Sometimes Gansey felt like his life was made up of a dozen hours that he could never forget. –The Raven Boys, Maggie Stiefvater

Once upon a time, I was one of those really inexperienced young women who genuinely believed the words spoken to her. Then, to be brutally frank, a few men happened and I really changed. Like, in an enormous way. And it’s kind of sad actually because now I’m the opposite; I don’t believe most things that people, namely men, tell me. I typically tend to assume they’re lying, no matter what the subject matter is.

Because that’s what men do, right?

Okay, you guys, calm down. I know that it’s not just men who lie and I also know that it’s not all men. I mean, some of them are okay, I guess. I went on dates with a few decent ones and I even married one that’s not so bad.

But some of them, a lot of them, are selfish, sex hungry, insensitive, and shitty spellers. At least in my experience. (And yes, I know some of them went to fancy private colleges and are actually better spellers than me.) They also have painfully high opinions of themselves and are under the misguided impression that you owe them something simply for being lucky enough to know them.

I mean, in all seriousness, if I had a nickel for each time that a man acted like he was doing poor, pathetic, only moderately attractive old me a favor just by talking to me, I’d have a lot of nickels.

Existence is never so miserable as when you have a taste for something beautiful. –Lauren Kate, Unforgiven

I have this friend who is very dear to me. One might even venture to call her my “best friend”. She is funny and super opinionated, she is thoughtful and a really good listener. She is my unpaid therapist and loves my child like her own. I’m naturally very protective of her but I am also able to see things for what they are.

And she got played. Like major, honey.

I’m probably only going to share the vital, juicy bits because although I really want to hang her ex-boyfriend out to dry, I’m sure that people have a few other rooms to organize with their quarantine time. Also, I’m trying out this new thing where I don’t want to be so snatchy all the time. It’s not really my best look.

They met on a dating site, which I think says all kinds of things in some situations, but who am I to judge? She, obviously, assuming that this man she was getting to know wasn’t a total sociopath and pathological liar, believed everything he said and was starting to fall in love.

And why wouldn’t she? They seemed to have things in common (this is an important fact to note), they were physically attracted to each other, they had sexual chemistry and I’m sure they had some really meaningful conversations. And as easy as it is for me to claim that she should have seen through his big, brown eyes and only mildly kind words, I’ve been there before; I’ve seen that movie tons of times. I know how infatuation feels and I know how it feels to be trusting. I’ve heard myself say tons of times, “Why would he lie to me?”, even when I’ve caught that proverbial him in a stupid lie.

And the answer is: who knows why the do what they do? They just do, and even when you confront them, they act all confused about why you’re mad or even care. Because, and this is super important, men are children.

So naturally, it took her awhile to see through what he was doing. And I’m not so sure that even now, that it’s completely over, she totally sees through him. But I can tell you that my suspicions were absolutely confirmed when she told me all the juicy gossip she had heard.

Doesn’t matter what you want; once you get it, you want something else. –Lord Baelish, Game of Thrones

Obviously, when this person broke up with my best friend, he gave her some nonsense reason why they couldn’t be together anymore and he labeled it as “we have nothing in common”. Fast forward a relatively small amount of time and just as she’s getting over her sadness about what happened with their relationship, she gets handed this crazy, breath-stopping information.

So let me catch you up: he has a child and is in this relationship with someone else. Suddenly, all this stuff started to click and make sense. He told her he wanted to move to Trinity; she lives in Trinity. He had claimed from the very beginning that he was married (for citizenship purposes) and couldn’t add my friend on any brand of social media; she is married/divorced/whatever the hell and is his friend on social media. He broke up with her because they “had nothing in common” after almost a year and the timeline lines right up with that sweet, ginger baby’s birth.

So let’s be real about this: they had nothing in common because he was always cheating and lying and eventually, on purpose or otherwise, knocked up on of the girls he was pretending to care about. He wasn’t married probably at all, ever, but he told my best friend that in order to keep her out of his business and not asking questions.

And you know, all of this is fine. People cheat all the time, everyday, with a multitude of people, for who knows what reasons, right? But why did he go onto a dating site, looking for women (when he was allegedly married), and intentionally go out with my best friend? Maybe he just likes variety? Or maybe he’s just a lying, cheating, female fire-fighter impregnating, VW driving douche bag.

Moral of the Crazy: You know, with my education, experience with men on a personal level, and my personal familial background, I would like to say that I’m a Negative Norah and I don’t give most men a fair shot. But that would be such a lie. A big one.

Every single one of them has let me down with their various shortcomings at one point or another. And that’s not being a negative person (because anyone who knows me, knows that I’m really not), that’s seriously the reality of the situation. Even the ones that I have genuinely loved and really tried hard with. And you know, honestly, I’m pretty low-maintenance when it comes to men. Even my husband will admit that I really don’t ask for much.

Because what’s the point, with most of the men in this world, you wouldn’t get it anyway.

But what I have seen is that sometimes men just aren’t that truthful and they say whatever they have to in order to remedy any given situation. And I seriously just do not understand it. Women, quite frankly, don’t really do that.

I mean yes, in the spirit of being honest, women are goddamn crazy (myself absolutely included). They’re whiny, dramatic AF, and maybe even a little annoying sometimes. I can totally admit that because I live in the real world. But generally, lying, habitual cheating, and just making up bullshit in order to get laid a few unmemorable times? Women don't do that. Not really, in my experience.

I feel like I could write an entire book on this topic (taking suggestions for titles, creative people), if I’m honest, so it kind of makes this particular blog difficult to end with my usual few quip-y sentences. But for some reason, men just have this tendency to sort of never grow up and get their shit together when it comes to honesty. (And I’m not being a man hater; I know this from personal experience and although it’s something I don’t often share, it’s something I know for a fact. From someone who has never changed his entire lifetime.)

My best friend would always brag about her ex-boyfriend (and it’s the cute bragging when you’re with a new man; we’ve all done it) to me, telling me what he claimed to bring in every year (probably a lie if you’re talking about it so openly and also a little tacky), how selfless he was when it came to his married for convenience wife (obviously a lie and hello, you’re still a cheater), and how handsome he is and nice his car was (her opinion, so can’t be clarified as a lie).

And to that I say, you can still be sexy and be a jerk, by the way. You can still know how to purchase a decent car and be awful. Congratulations attractive thirty-six year old man child: you’re still a douche bag.

Meanwhile, he took her out in public only a handful of times, refused to engage her on social media and told her AFTER A YEAR that they had nothing in common and that he didn’t want a relationship from the beginning. And now he has a child with someone else? The reality of this situation is this: he was always cheating and he did want a relationship, just not with my best friend.

And all of this is fine but why not just say it?

I don’t know why men do this but it does make sense why there are so many sexy, single, accomplished women over forty and so many loser, single older men who go to the grave as disgusting poon hounds.

Just remember boys, you’re never as good as the lies you tell. And we all know it.

‘Cause I only got one burning desire, to let the whole town know that you’re a dirty little liar. –LeAnn Rimes, Spit Fire