You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway. - Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

You guys: friends, moms and loyal readers, I have to be super real with you. Lately, things have been so crazy for my family.

Because I’m able to make my own schedule at work, I can usually blog when I find the extra time (super easy with an active two year old, right…?), I can post semi regular videos when the mood strikes me, I can update my Instagram story on the daily (because that’s a thing now, I think?), and I can post pictures on my feed pretty close to every day. It’s actually something I find to be sort of valuable because if I don’t get to do those things, I get sort of lost in my own head.

And let me tell you, that’s never fun.

But the last few weeks, I haven’t really had any time for me, so to speak, and aside from a few, sporadic yoga practices (which are literally only at 6 am because that’s seriously the only time I’ve found), I have been so wrapped up in just whatever life has thrown me that I haven’t been able to answer a text, post an Instagram story, or really even spend quality time with my sweet husband.

Forget my usual healthy lifestyle and yoga routine; I’ve basically become best friends with bagel sandwiches and frozen, organic chicken nuggets for the sake of time. And that really bothers me. I especially try not to cut corners when it comes to food but I’ll save that for another blog.

And if I’m being really transparent, all of this sometimes makes me feel like I can’t handle much. And while I know that totally isn’t the case, it gets to be sort of stressful after awhile.

It just seems like sometimes things pile up at the same time. And I seriously hate to be dramatic because I know that’s just life, especially when you have kids, but it just seems like I never get a break. Like, ever. It doesn’t seem like the stressors are evenly distributed throughout my lifetime, you know what I mean?

My husband and I used to joke all the time that together, we have the absolute worst luck and that thankfully we have a really good relationship because these stressors could tear weaker people apart. Do you know that one time, we were on vacation (together, obviously) in Indiana visiting my parents and somehow, both of our debit cards were compromised? In two different places! And because we were out of state and traveling, the bank automatically denied everything because they assumed it was further fraud? So we are driving, on the road in a foreign place and getting gas because if we don’t, we are literally stuck on a random highway, and neither one of our debit cards worked… That was a great day.

And just to further this point, in just the last week, both of our debit cards were compromised. Again. Not one, both. I think these scammers are under the impression we have a lot of money to steal…

The other day, my daughter, who was recovering from a fairly nasty stomach bug, got a little energy back and was kind of ornery. I just tried not to get annoyed because I knew she probably had a lot of crazy energy pent up from lying around and being sick the day before. Well she didn’t nap at all, which NEVER happens, so I came back out into the living room with her and played with her for awhile. Then she stabbed me in the eye (by accident) with an old school, wooden, number two pencil. Then I moved some chairs and because I have really bad depth perception, I walked into a counter and busted my lip. Then when I was microwaving my daughter’s dinner, she climbed on a short table and fell off (which I didn’t see because I was slaving over the microwave) and then she cried herself to sleep.

Which should have been fine, right? She skipped her nap and was probably super tired and still recovering from being sick. She probably just finally lost all her energy and went to sleep while I was soothing her, right? Well, I literally fretted the whole night because I was home alone and was convincing myself that she had either broken her neck and turned into some baby zombie (I seriously considered this for awhile because she was cool to the touch and she never is but my rational brain told me the next morning that was probably because she wasn’t running around like her usual lunatic self) or had some sort of brain damage and that’s why she cried herself to sleep.

I called my husband like six times (first day at his new store, no big deal) and I said, “Something’s wrong with her! She fell and now she’s sleeping! She cried herself to sleep!” and he was chuckling because I must have sounded crazy. He kept saying, She’s been sick, babe. She’s just recovering. And wait, didn’t you say she didn’t nap?

To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time. -Leonard Bernstein

I know this probably sounds so crazy but I swear, I’m not usually like this. Despite how people have claimed that I’d fall apart and be an emotional mess when I had kids, I’m really not. I’m usually calm as a cucumber, especially since my child is pretty rambunctious and fairly un-dramatic. But sometimes, and moms, I know you feel me on this, stress severely exacerbates my ability to catastrophize. It’s like, a few curveballs weasel their way into my stress levels and deteriorate any minor amount of rational thought I might have had. Maybe that particular night, my spigot just completely broke off and it enabled me to think that my baby was turning into a cute little, brain eating zombie.

Well that, and probably the fact that I’m just about to finish the last book in the Twilight saga.

So I’ve got blurry vision from that aforementioned number two pencil, a fat lip from that demon chair I was moving, and a brain eating baby. How’s your week going…?

But all kidding aside, in everyone’s life, I’m sure, unless you’re maybe Kylie Jenner, it seems like the stress just never ends. It seems like, in my experience, especially since I became a mom, it’s just one thing after another. And couple that with being overworked and possessing a chronic case of mild, cyclic insomnia, and you become a basket case. Seriously, my husband is probably twitching just reading this.

Moral of the Crazy: But what I’ve noticed is that stress is not my friend. Stress doesn’t work to pay the bills, it doesn’t help to watch my daughter so I can get things done, and it doesn’t make my hips any less Italian. It’s weird because in those moments when I feel really well spent, when I feel like I’m stretched really thin, I feel like I have a sickness. It’s almost like I can tell myself the stress will pass and things will surely get better but in that moment, it’s hard to see much else.

Even though I know that people all over the place are going through things much worse than me. Even though I know that my life is a cakewalk compared to many other people. Even though I know that the things that are currently stressing me out are only temporary and pretty much within my capability to control. As I mentioned earlier, it’s really hard not to live in your own head sometimes.

Even when you know better.

The same week of this alleged crisis, I received a group text from someone super close to me that said one person was in the emergency room for a recurring heart problem and one person may have a pretty serious health problem rearing its ugly head again. And then there’s me over here in my beautiful life claiming my baby is a zombie…

I try pretty hard to keep a level head almost always (unless there’s a reason to pop off and get all Jersey Shore but let’s be real: is there ever?). I try really hard to stay positive even when it’s hard, to be thankful for all the good things even when they’re hard to see sometimes, to wish well for others even when they’ve hurt me but sometimes, shit gets real. Sometimes life gets hard and we get overwhelmed. We’ve all been there.

The other morning, I made an investment and I can’t wait to tell you guys all about it when I know more. But the point is, I really want to take back control of my emotions. I really want to stop blaming my probable (and albeit temporary) poor health on being busy and having very little time because seriously, everyone is busy.

No one has time to do anything. No one has time to prep healthy meals or care about their mental health. No one has time to work out or properly discipline their kids. No one has time to keep their house one hundred percent clean, one hundred percent of the time (except some crazy how, my mother in law) and make sure all of the laundry is done. No one has time to blog and update their Instagram with cute pictures to display for others what their life is like.

But somehow, they find it. Because they make the time for things that are important, even when they’re overwhelmed. Even when they paid a couple bills late, even when they haven’t been feeling physically well, and even when their kid fell off a table and allegedly turned into a brain eating zombie.

So take a deep breath, babes. And know that you aren’t alone. You’ve got a crazy, anxious, crisis creating mama right over here who knows your deal. It will all look better in the morning.

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. -Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban