Inhale the future, exhale the past.

I first started doing yoga with a girlfriend of mine who was this ultra hip, California import named Finola. I can’t remember why she dragged me along initially but I think it was because she was looking for something comparable to the yoga studios she attended in California.
                         
She was into all these super natural remedies, positive vibes and curing yourself with life experiences and healthy foods. I guess I could say that she really started my love affair with all things natural and organic (well, her and the guy who used to service my air conditioner but that’s another story) and to be fair, I probably owe my fondness for the yoga practice to her too.

I guess she helped me realize how much I love the earth, nature, and its ability to heal us.

I begged and pleaded with her to find something else for us to do, citing my total lack of athleticism as an excuse for why I just could not do yoga with her. “I’m not a cool California native,” I grunted uncomfortably, “I can’t do yoga. That’s just not me.” She kept assuring me that being athletic wasn’t really a requirement, that it was more meditation than exercise, and that I would get “banging yoga arms” if I just gave it a shot.

And then, much to my even further dismay, she told me that it wasn’t the typical yoga style she practiced in California. (I want to say that she preferred Bikram or Barre yoga but it was so long ago it’s hard for me to remember.) “This is in a ninety degree heated room,” she told me with excited brown eyes, “you’re going to burn so many calories, girl.”

“Is that a joke?” I snapped at her in her little swanky Mini Cooper. “I’m going to die.” She kept promising me I would be fine, that I would thank her soon because I would love it, and that I would be expelling a bunch of nasty toxins. And while it seemed like there were too many benefits to really keep track of, I was still super nervous and unsure.

I’m probably like the most uncoordinated, un-athletic person that ever lived. I’ve said this before and I will say it again, I only workout because I have to. If it wasn’t good for me, I would NEVER do it.

Be where you are, not where you think you should be.

Listen, I loved it. I’ll be honest, I can’t really remember the very first time I went to yoga because I have been so many times since. I went with Finola that first time and immediately got a membership because I was literally so obsessed. I quickly started immersing myself in anything she suggested because she seemed to really understand what life was about. Yoga wasn’t just exercise, it wasn’t just ridding your body of toxins; it was practice, it was lifestyle, it was religion.

I went to that same yoga studio for a long time and I bugged a bunch of other Victoria’s Secret girls to go with me before I realized that I no longer needed the company. I was in love with this and I didn’t need anyone to hold my hand.

It was about me and my practice.

I felt amazing after a really short time of going fairly regularly and I was in the best shape of my entire life, to this day. I started to get kind of cocky after awhile because what happens with yoga (at least in my experience) is you get super flexible and your body just sort of melts into the poses. Maybe in the beginning you couldn’t bend over and touch your toes without bending your knees. But after a few weeks or months, you’re able to do a forward fold and touch your forehead to your shins without even giving your knees some slack.

It’s a truly amazing thing to engage in. I obviously highly recommend it.

Well, pretty soon life happened. The amazing studio that I went to was no longer new and offering special pricing so it was harder for me to afford it. (Let me just drop this disclaimer because it’s super important: Yoga can be pricey and usually costs more than a gym membership but it is so worth it.) I started working weird hours because I was in school, which made it harder to attend the classes I liked even if I could afford them. I was also still paying for a gym membership and was feeling guilty about not using that enough to get my moneys worth.

Then I graduated college and things changed again. I got a different job, in my field of study, and I decided that since I had done the proper grown up things, I wanted to continue that way of life and start my family. And although I swore up and down I wanted to work out throughout my pregnancy, it was super hard because I worked a lot (social work ain’t no joke, friends) and I had a stupid commute. The last thing I thought about was working out and yoga just seemed harder and harder everyday with my growing belly.

Then I had a kid and well, forget it. What’s sleep? What’s me time? What’s a workout? Those things didn’t exist for a while because hey, I had a baby and she came first. My coveted yoga arms would just have to wait.

Moral of the Crazy:

For the last few months, my super cute, hippie neighbor has been asking me to go to yoga with her. She’s this adorable little newlywed that massages people and sells oils (www.mydoterra.com/catladywellness) for a living. She’s all about the natural life and goes to yoga all the time at various studios. She even has a little yoga/meditation room in her house. She’s always offering me cool recipes and oil concoctions to help with my minor ailments and household needs. The other day I was like, “Quick! What do I spray my sheets with to make them smell good that doesn’t have a bunch of harsh chemicals in it?”

The last umpteen times that she’s invited me to yoga, I’ve been unable to go because I never seem to have a babysitter. But this one day, it totally worked out. And I literally have felt the old me creeping out since I walked into that studio with her. (Warrior One in Dunedin, in case anyone is curious.)

I have to admit, I was a little nervous about going, especially with her, because she’s so cute and fit and I’m just not. But then, she reminded me, “It’s not about that. It’s yoga practice, not yoga perfect.” She gave me some oils to get me pumped up before we went inside but I’ll be honest, I don’t know that I needed it.

It was absolutely the most refreshing hour I have spent in a long time. I guess I had forgotten all the really motivating affirmations the instructors say in between instructing poses. With everything the instructor (also named Katie M.) said, I nodded with excitement and got more and more motivated. I kept thinking to myself, “You’re home; this is your religion, this is your exercise, this is your calm space. No one can take this away from you.”

And you know what’s so crazy? Sure, I’m severely out of shape but I really pushed myself and I wasn’t half bad. There was even one move that I had never done before but between the oils and the positive affirmations, I just gave it a shot and you know what? I DID IT. Can you believe that?

Me: about twenty pounds gained, no consistent workout routine (because of baby) and trying to diet but sometimes sucking at it because I just want all the carbs. I. Did. It.  

When we were in the end stages of the session, I winked at my super cute, hippie neighbor and stuck my hand out for a high five. “You sell yourself short,” she told me on the way home, “you did way better than I thought you would the way you talk about yourself.”

I literally have never felt more myself lately than I did on that yoga mat, super sweaty (it was hot yoga, my personal favorite after all these years) and aching from the stupid bicycles she made us do at the end. I felt so accomplished and whole and motivated. It was an amazing way to start the day.

And you know what? I’m going with her again this Friday. At six o’clock in the morning! Because besides maybe giving birth to another human, I don’t know that anything has made me feel more alive or more like myself.

You guys, I challenge you, especially you moms out there, to find something you really love and just run with it. Because no matter where you are or how rundown you might feel, you’re worth it.

And you owe it to yourself to do something that gives your soul pleasure. Because no one is going to do that for you.

Namaste.

It’s not about being good at something; it’s about being good to yourself.

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