All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them. –Emma Bombeck

As some of you may (or maybe don’t) know, my birthday just passed a few days ago. I’ve never really been a huge birthday person after the age of like, twenty-one, primarily because I was a little neurotic about getting older. And then after awhile, my birthday just seemed like any other day. Especially when it seemed like every year, more and more people forgot.

I get it, though, don’t misunderstand. We all have lives and to be fair, I barely even remember my own birthday. And now I’m supposed to try and remember my kid’s too. I don’t know how that’s fair considering I’m just getting older and forgetting more everyday but whatever.

But this year, for my birthday and also due in part to our tenth wedding anniversary, we decided to celebrate and “do it big”, as I’ve been known to say. We wanted to do a quick little getaway, go to a place where we could take our daughter and attempt to relax. (I mean, there is truly no relaxing with a two-year old, am I right?)

So we decided on Gaylord Palms Resort in Orlando. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard about it or been there but it is absolutely amazing. It’s sort of like a cruise without adventuring out into the open seas. They have a gorgeous atrium and the air just feels fresher with all the gorgeous, contributing plants. They even let me take my Jameson to go when I was forced to chase my child all the way to one of the many koi ponds.

There is a strange comfort in knowing that no matter what happens today, the sun will rise again tomorrow. –Aaron Lauritsen

But one of the biggest things that I’m learning as a parent [to get super anxious about] is that packing with a child is a whole other thing. I mean, when you decide to have kids, get pregnant, and then show up to various outings with your new baby, people are always telling you things like, “Oh my gosh, enjoy it because you’ll blink and she’ll be thirty!” and “Make sure you pump while she’s sleeping and freeze that milk, girl because you never know when you’ll need it!” or “Hey, leave something important in the backseat of your car so you don’t leave your baby in there!” but they don’t tell you that you should probably take three days off work in order to appropriately pack for a two day outing with a two-year old.

Listen, when I used to travel prior to having my daughter, I would make sure I packed things like eye shadow primer, bronzer and sunscreen. I would never forget to bring extra panties, bathing suits and birth control. I always made sure that I had a flask, a bunch of bottled water and a book in case I couldn’t sleep. When you have a kid, it seems like you literally need everything but the kitchen sink.

And honestly, since I had a child, I do things a lot differently. I always said I would never be this person but I try to make things easier on myself. Sometimes I don’t wash my hair for an embarrassing amount of days because I just don’t want to “waste” the time. Sometimes I can only do the bare minimum with makeup because I’m super sick of my kid rummaging through all my expensive eye shadow palettes. Sometimes I grab an energy drink instead of making myself a to-go coffee because it seems like if I literally take one more second to get ready, I will never be on time.

But I’m telling you, even with winging it mom style, even with only taking every other toy, even with only bringing the books that she absolutely loves, and even with telling myself that I’ll just stop at the store to get the snacks she likes while I’m on my actual vacation, I still managed to over pack with some things and forget one essential or another. I’m telling you, there’s no Cosmo article for what to pack when you’re a mom and if there is one, I don’t know about it and it’s probably not even accurate.

Let me tell you, I left Orlando (earlier than expected, by the way because we were all literally falling down with exhaustion) with only one wipe left, an empty snack container, and with totally dry skin on my face because I forgot my “essential night cream moisturizer” (which I got on clearance at Target, by the way, and am totally obsessed with).

And you know what’s funny? We went to this fancy pants resort with a child (a sick child, by the way, not that that fact really matters because my kid apparently has a serious case of FOMO) so we didn’t stay up super late like we did before kids. We didn’t get so inebriated that we laid down to sober up and slept through our super expensive reservation like we did before kids. We didn’t get so crispy at the pool that we were literally dehydrated for days after our return (like we used to do before kids). We didn’t engage in all kinds of crazy sexual high jinks because f*&k it, we were on vacation! like we did before kids.

We went to bed around nine or ten every night. We sat on our balcony (that we totally didn’t request and got by accident with no extra charge) and drank the liquor that we brought from home out of our knock-off Yeti cups. We didn’t overeat (like usual because #italianproblems), we didn’t stumble our way back to our rooms because we were intoxicated, and we didn’t spend a katrillion dollars on martinis (that one is really just me, I guess).

Because we wanted to remember. Because we wanted to enjoy ourselves safely. Because we wanted, above all other things, for our daughter to have fun, not get too sunburned, and not eat a bunch of conventional garbage simply because we were on vacation.

Moral of the Crazy: I think that one of the things people most struggle with when deciding whether or not to have kids is: Will my life change? I mean, hello, yes it’s absolutely going to because suddenly you’re going to have important responsibilities. You’re going to have this little person watching you and depending on you and suddenly things that felt so important before just aren’t anymore.

I always joke that “kids are greeeeat” (anyone who knows me knows that I make that joke whenever my daughter is acting like a fool), that I “can never” relax and that I “don’t know” what fun is anymore. But you know what? That’s a bunch of bullshit.

Those are just things that tired people say to remind them that parenting is seriously the hardest, most exciting, absolutely terrifying and seriously hilarious experience ever created. (In fact, as I type this, my daughter is chasing my pit bull around with a bubble lawnmower while simultaneously eating a ketchup packet that I brought home from vacation in an attempt to save money. And I don’t even eat ketchup.)

It’s true, I probably didn’t relax as much on this trip as I would have if I were sans a crazy [adorable] two-year old. But to be fair, relax isn’t really a term that is commonly thrown around in my vocabulary. Actually, that’s why I was such a heavy drinker before I got pregnant. Drinking makes me a lot more tolerable for other people to be around. For me, drinking is really just doing a favor to the people around me.

It also has to be said, as cliché as it sounds, that nothing is better than seeing your kid being cute and excited (and stealing everyone’s beach balls at the pool…) and lightly sunburned. There’s nothing better (seriously) than seeing your kid fall asleep, exhausted because they were having fun. There’s also nothing better than sitting on a balcony in silence after a long, crazy day at the kid’s pool.

Parents, you feel me, right?

So take that vacation, you guys. Pack the extra wipes, the extra organic snacks (my personal favorite are of the Annie’s Homegrown variety), and that nighttime moisturizer because there is literally nothing better than seeing your kids happy. If I could afford to vacation more frequently, I definitely would. If not for myself, for my kiddo to get a break. Because I’m sure hanging around with me all day gets super old…

You are the closest I will ever come to magic. –Suzanne Finnamore