Everywhere we
look nowadays we see really unjustifiably harsh judgement. I mean, you
literally cannot scroll through any brand of social media feed without seeing
some kind of crazy vandalism or videoed car chase. Especially with the
presidential election mere weeks away, it seems like people are just going out
of their way to hurl insults at each other. I’ve seen it all over Facebook: if you think Trump has respect for women,
you’re a moron. If you think Hillary is going to correct anything that she
hasn’t already damaged, you’re an idiot. Trump is an insensitive asshole who needs
a better public relations handler and Hillary is a lying criminal who belongs
in jail. It’s like all of these common knowledge facts that we all already
know on this chronic, creepy replay loop.
You know, the
other morning at work, one of my co-workers was talking about how Trump is allegedly
a Nazi who is planning to form his own political party. And you have to picture
it because I was just sitting there trying to eat my strawberry shortcake
yogurt. I didn’t ask to hear this nonsense. I mean, some of the things that
come out peoples’ mouths, people who are supposed to be really educated and professedly
intellectually above the rest of us, are just absolutely asinine.
You know what,
America? I just can’t. We all need a goddamn time out until we can learn how to
properly speak to each other! If you don’t like a particular presidential
candidate, that’s completely acceptable. But you don’t have to be a capital J jerk
about it.
It just seems
like all the masses are ganging up on each other, without either having a leg
to stand on and quite frankly, it’s just all nonsense. My mother always taught
me how to bow out gracefully and just agree to disagree. Apparently we don’t do
that shit in 2016. We would rather spew this nonsense on social media and
demand answers to things that we, as individuals, haven’t even thought through
than bother to respect another person’s opinion.
You want to
make a change in the world, America? You want things to be better and more fruitful
for the future of our society? You want your children to live in a safe place
free of hate, bigotry and crime? How about you step outside of yourself for
half a second and do something to actually help
that population you’re allegedly so passionate about? How about instead of
attacking other people for having their own [and to be fair, probably
uneducated] opinions, you go out and do something to change the world that you think is so unhealthy? Because I don’t
think throwing nasty invectives and hasty judgements is really helping to do
anything other than frustrate everyone around you.
You get more
bees with honey. But hey, this is America. And as such, you have every right to
be a crotchety mother fucker.
Honestly, with
the election nearly upon us, I have such anxiety about going on Facebook or any
other social media. If you make one comment about absolutely anything, you’ve offended someone. And
you know what, friends? I ain’t about that life. I just want to look at
pictures of my Facebook friend’s babies at the goddamn pumpkin patch. And I
don’t think that I’m asking for much.
There is just
so much judgement and angst and it’s so frustrating. You know, I have this
whole mentality where I try to stay really positive because no matter how bad
things are, they could always be worse. I try to stay above things like
sickness and anxiety because you just have to if you want to have a good life.
You can’t just mope around and cry about things you can’t change. All you can
do is attempt every day to be better and be really super thankful about all the
awesome things you’ve got in your life. Because honestly, you’ve probably got
way more than you could ever even realize. You’ve got air conditioning, you’ve
got clean drinking water, you’ve got the ability to shop at Publix and partake
in their Build your own BOGO. I
promise, your life isn’t that bad.
But it’s like,
impossible (or maybe not impossible
but really, really difficult) to maintain this happy-go-lucky mentality when
people are always dumping on your parade for no apparent reason. There are some
people in my life, whom I love very dearly,
that have this incessant chip on their shoulder. It’s almost as if, no matter
what you say or what kind of good news you come to them with, they’ve found
something to trump it. Someone died or someone is sick, someone ran over the
bird that lived in the tree outside their house, some kind of chronic health
problem is ailing them and as much as it pains me, two seconds on the phone
with them and I’m miserable.
That’s
just not a way to go through life! It’s no way to live!
People hasten to judge in order not to
be judged themselves. –Albert Camus, The
Fall
A few times in
my adult life, I’ve come across people who go from being really good friends to
just sort of falling off the face of the planet. To be honest, I never really
understood it because I never felt like I had changed any. I feel like I’m the
type of person who comes across really kind, almost to the point of maybe being
a little bit of a pushover, so I would always get a little confused when my
attempts to communicate would go unanswered. It’s actually happened to me a
couple of times and every time, I’m over here sort of wondering what just
happened. The whole thing just becomes sort of awkward because I don’t go
through life beefing with people. I ain’t about that life either.
When I was
younger, it seemed to happen when couples my husband and I knew started to have
children. It was almost like, once there was a new baby in the mix, we were no
longer adequate company. And honestly, that always sort of bothered me. Not
only because I suddenly lost friends that I thought were fairly decent ones but
also because of the unabashed judgement. I mean, when you drop people out of
nowhere, it can become pretty clear as to why. And that always really troubled
me because anyone who knows me knows that I’ve always wanted children. I mean,
I worked in a daycare for nearly a decade taking care of kids for a living! Why
would I have been a bad influence?
There was one
couple that we were particularly close with for years. We did things together,
planned little nature outings together, and attended tons of each other’s
parties. We had all sorts of things in common; we all loved tattoos and being
outside, we all loved the water and living healthy lifestyles, and we all liked
to barbeque and sit outside with our dogs.
But then
something happened. It was sort of sudden, actually, happening so quickly that
I don’t think I even realized it. To be honest, I can’t even remember when it
was that we actually fell away from each other but it was like one day, we were
conversing and one day, we just weren’t.
My husband
always took it a little more personally than I did because he felt really
judged by it all. Where I was more offended by the fact that for whatever
reason, they didn’t really want to talk to us anymore, he was furious about the
way he had been judged. And not only that, but judged by these people who were
supposed to really care about him.
It just seemed
unreal to think that people we were once so close to had become like distant
relatives. It was almost as if we suddenly weren’t good enough for them
anymore. Perhaps we weren’t good enough at “adulting” or we weren’t moving far
enough forward with our plans to have children for them. Maybe we drank too
much or used too many cusswords. Maybe we were deemed too young and too likely
to make a poor impression upon their golden newborn. Or maybe that’s just what
happens when people have children; they cut certain people out of their lives.
After all, it’s not just about them anymore. They’ve got another individual’s
future to think about.
The ability to observe without
evaluating is the highest form of intelligence. –Jiddu Krishnamurti
But honestly,
and to rush to my husband’s defense, I totally feel the judgement thing. In
fact, we were just having a conversation the other day about how no matter
where we go or what we do, no matter how much we accomplish or how far we go,
we sometimes still feel like we’re children. It’s hard to explain but it’s
almost like all the people around us are legitimate adults and we’re just
roaming around in a somewhat scheduled fashion, children trapped in adult
bodies.
And this isn’t
because of lack of anything on our part. We’re both educated, employed to
decent companies, and have held supervisory roles in the past. We’ve both owned
our own vehicles, had lots of credit cards, and have lived on our own for
years. I handle my household better than some people I know with children and I
get through life, all on my own, like any other successful adult I know. It’s
just this judgement that seems to follow us for whatever reason and to be
honest with you, I’ve never really been able to figure it out. I literally
don’t have an immature bone in my body, save for maybe being afraid of the
dark. And my husband is the most mature, independent, down to earth individual
I’ve ever met. And I’m not even just saying that because we’re married and I
obviously would take his side over anyone else’s; it’s actually the truth.
I even noticed
it in most work or social settings. And sometimes, I don’t believe that it’s
malicious or necessarily intended. I don’t think that people are just out to
hurt me or talk slanderously behind my back. I think that sometimes people are
just prone to making judgements about people without even really thinking about
it. Maybe it’s just something that’s kind of natural, maybe it’s something that
we all do. It’s just to be honest, I’ve always tried to not do that. Maybe because I always could feel others do it to me,
maybe because I’m a social worker, or maybe just because I’m a nice person but
judging other people was just never my forte.
At my old job,
I was just surrounded by all these things of beauty. Everyone was gorgeous and
trendy (and I’m not even being complimentary; I’m being straight up honest with
you right now), sporting all the looks that I wish I could pull off and using
little snarky words and abbreviations that were reminiscent to something from Keeping Up with the Kardashians, only
way classier. They were all super close, partied together on a relatively
regular basis, and had all these little inside jokes from all the times they
had hung out together.
Now with them,
I never necessarily felt judged because they all loved me. And if they didn’t,
they all seriously acted like it. I guess retail claims a certain brand of
individual and one of the main attributes all those retail girls possess is
being genuinely friendly. I wasn’t super social when I worked at my previous
job because I was one of the older girls and one of the few that was married. But
I was asked out almost daily and I
don’t think these girls were just being nice or inviting me out so they could
be snarky and judgey later. They genuinely wanted to hang out with me.
Going from
that particular environment to the one I’m in now was something of a change for
me because I was very unaware how office fraternization works. I mean, these
people barely have each other’s phone numbers! Of course, everyone is cordial
to each other because it’s a professional environment and the majority of us
are social workers. It’s just that no one is super friendly, save for a few of
the girls around my age (which are the “young” ones in this profession). No one
really asks you how your weekend was or what you’re making for dinner. No one
asks you about your husband or where your last date night is because quite
honestly, in this working environment, no one really cares.
But with that
sort of colder environment comes this chronic feeling of being judged. For me
personally, I feel like one of the least educated individuals because I only
have a bachelor’s degree. Everyone here is super educated and has like,
multiple master’s degrees in all these really intricate topics. Sometimes when
I listen to people speak during our client meetings, I almost feel like I’m not
clever enough to be sitting at the table expected to speak.
Sometimes it’s
more like a look. Sometimes I will say something, and it could honestly be
about anything, and the people around me will just stare at me as if they can’t
believe that I actually spoke out loud. The other day, one of the guys I work
with said that he had found some literature I might find useful. I followed him
into the room he was in and grabbed what I assumed was for me and then walked
out because he had started talking to someone else. A few minutes later, he
returns to my desk with a few stacks of paper and says, “Here, this is for you
too.” I apologized and said that I didn’t realize there was more. I told him, “I
don’t want you to think I was being rude,” and sort of laughed awkwardly
because he had worn this expression of annoyance that I had walked away. “It’s
okay,” he forced a smile, “I already know you’re rude.”
Could it have
been meant in a jovial way to respond to my worry of appearing rude? Probably.
Has this man ever spoken to me in any way other than professional? Never. Was I
being a little sensitive to that remark because I already feel like he is
always judging me? Again, probably. Am I still stinging a little bit from that
time he told me that Mark Wahlberg (who I adore) murdered someone and is just
some garbage thug from Boston? Absolutely.
I just feel
like you don’t make comments like that, you don’t make little snarky judgements
like that, when you don’t really know
someone in a personal manner. You don’t force your opinion on someone in
something like the workplace because you feel like you’re entitled to. You
don’t overpower the dynamics of a working environment with preachy nonsense
like, “Trump is a Nazi,” because you feel like your opinion is the only one
worth mentioning. Being moderately intelligent doesn’t give you license to
stare across the table every time someone else speaks and judge them with
obvious smirks and exchanged looks with your neighbor. It’s nonsense and it’s
rude.
Being
judgmental is so 1950’s. (Remember
that episode of Mad Men where the
doctor basically calls Peggy a slut because she wants to be put on birth control...?)
Moral of the Crazy: And let me just interrupt myself here
because I know that what I’m saying is probably offensive on so many levels
(she said sarcastically) and I can more than appreciate basically everyone’s
“side”. It’s actually one of the reasons that I really have trouble voting
because I agree with certain things from both platforms. (Well, not really this
year, but in general.) And I don’t know what makes me so different than
everyone else but I have this crazy ability to just let people think what they
want. I know, perfectly well, that I’m not going to agree with absolutely
everything that everyone says, no matter how much I love them. And that’s
completely okay with me. Two of my best friends are atheist and my mother
taught Sunday school for most of my childhood. My sister is even employed by a
church now and can tell you more about the bible than most theologians. I don’t
let these things bother me because I love them and quite frankly, I don’t care
how they feel about religion. I’m just going to let them do what they have to
do and then I’m going to do me.
I mean, I
suppose I should clarify with what I mentioned earlier about social media as
well because although that shit absolutely annoys me to no end, the common argument is “it’s my page and I can post whatever I want!” Or I’ve seen a lot of, “If
you don’t like what I say, there’s the unfollow button!” And you know what?
You’re right. You are absolutely right. I guess I can’t really get mad about
all the awful, nasty, offensive, and garbage political things that people say
on social media because it’s their
domain to do what they please with. I mean, what kind of hypocrite would I be
if I didn’t support that? I write a weekly blog about how much I hate all my
ex-boyfriends.
Honestly, I
just feel like sometimes, especially right now with the elections and debates
going on, people take things way too far. It can never just be that maybe two
people disagree on something that quite frankly, a lot of people disagree on.
It can never just be okay that maybe a really smart person likes Donald Trump.
It can’t be acceptable that maybe some people really appreciate Hillary Clinton
and all the things she claims she stands for. It’s like, unacceptable to have
any sort of opinion because regardless of why you believe whatever it is you
believe, you’re going to get judged for it.
I don’t like
seeing all these little memes that say if you support this campaign, you’re a
dumbass or if you’re voting for this particular candidate, you have no respect
for yourself. I don’t like feeling like I’m being gazed at during work hours
because maybe everything I say doesn’t come out perfectly. I don’t like how
there is one particular individual at my workplace who is incessantly running
her mouth about every single person that comes in and out of this office
because she is under the impression that she’s the only knowledgeable one
employed here. I don’t like that I feel uncomfortable around her because I’m
wondering what kinds of things she’s saying about me behind my back, because
Lord knows she’s a whole lot smarter than me, she said really sarcastically.
Look, someone
really intelligent once said something about respecting a person’s opinion and
their right to say it. And while I can’t remember who exactly said that at this
juncture (where’s that genius shit talker from my work? I’m sure she would
know…), it holds true. I just genuinely believe that there are ways to going
about expressing one’s opinion. I also believe that there is such a thing
called Facebook etiquette that no one really seems to follow. And I really
don’t know why; maybe some people just go out of their way to aggravate their
followers. Maybe some people just go out of their way to get a rise out of
people. Maybe some people just continually bring a gun to a knife fight.
Or like my
husband always tells me, maybe sometimes people are just assholes.
I just don’t
see the need for the judgement. I mean, that’s where all of America’s problems
are stemming from right? Judgement? Hatred? Bigotry? Being a little too
boisterous about your own entitled opinions? I mean, correct me if I’m wrong
but that’s the most common issue with Trump, isn’t it? That he is a bit
overzealous with his opinions and goes out of his way to be all judgey about
like, everything? That he attacks Hillary with judgement and calls her names
because she is apparently solely responsible for the whole Benghazi debacle? And
similarly with this whole police department war: people are all coming down on
police officers of America because they’re allegedly racist and judge too
quickly in the line of fire. All the conversation flying around with all these
professional athletes refusing to stand for the national anthem is causing a
bit of judgement too. I know I certainly have some feelings about it. I mean, this
is exactly what is wrong with America now, right?? The judgement??
Please,
seriously correct me if I’m inaccurate.
You know, when
I was a little girl and we still lived on Marco Island, I remember it was the
election between George H. Bush and Bill Clinton. My dad was traveling for
business at the time, so he would only come home every couple of weeks. Well,
around election time, because everyone was talking about it at school and on
Nickelodeon (oh my gosh, do you guys remember Stick Stickly? New York City, New York State, 10108), I
asked him who he was voting for. I remember this like it was yesterday: he kind
of smirked at me and he said, “I can’t tell you that,” and shifted his Jeep. I
said, “Why not?” and he said, “Because Katie, all of this stuff is
confidential. You’re never supposed to tell anyone who you’re voting for.” And you
know, it sounds silly but I never forgot that. Some pretty great words of
wisdom from my awesome, Guido dad.
It just seems
like now, people are so crazy. I mean, the whole trend now is to be politically
correct and to treat people with the respect and kindness they deserve.
Everything you see on social media and on television is about how far we’ve
allegedly come and how much better we treat our society than years past and you
know what? It’s nonsense.
Sure, maybe
we’ve come a smidge farther when it
comes to things like civil and women’s rights and things seem to be moving
forward in the LGBT world but treating our society with respect? I wouldn’t say
so. The problem with all this freedom and transition into a hate free world is
that apparently people have completely lost their grip on reality. While some
people claim we’ve come forward and made positive changes, I would disagree.
People hate each other and they’re vocal about
it. People are disrespectful to professionals of all sorts because they feel like it’s their right. People are
slanderous and judgmental and willing to jump on any bandwagon that will let
them incessantly complain. Nobody genuinely
cares about anybody. Nobody really
cares about making positive changes. Because if they did, it would be a much
sweeter world to live in.
The thing is
that people don’t realize in order to make all these little pieces of America
work, they have to join together, not rip each other apart. Everybody has
judgements, friends. We all do it by nature. We see cutesy versions of it on
talk shows and SNL. We see it on the
presidential debates, in the newspapers, and all over television.
But my mother
always taught me: If you have nothing
nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
The only way
to mend this chaotic country we live in is to take care of each other. The only
way for things to work is for everyone to
have respect for everyone else. To
understand that acceptance isn’t failure and to realize that when the war is
over, there will be nothing left. It must be understood that in hatred comes the
apocalypse and all the things we’ve ever feared; in forgiveness and
open-mindedness comes a safe place that we can rebuild together.
One nation, under God, indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all.
Never look down on anyone unless you’re
helping them up. –Jesse Jackson
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