I used to date the lead singer of the Cranberries but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side. -Jarod Kintz

Love is one of those things that can be beautiful, thought provoking, and comforting. But it can also be barbaric, anxiety producing, and if you're Jeffrey Dahmer, a weird, cannibalistic approach to protein. Love is complicated and it can be really difficult to determine what's true love and what is just an attractive man at the bar three stools down. It can be hard to decipher those nonverbal cues, especially when you're trying to do so when you're heavily seduced by sweet lady Jameson.

The truth is that people can be really difficult to read. Conversations can get all confusing. Men present themselves like these dapper, neo Don Drapers: all awesome, dark, and handsome, wooing you with their thoughtful, damaged childhood insight. They furrow their eyebrows together with their seemingly genuine concern when you chronicle your pathetic ex-boyfriend stories. (And obviously, they're also very stylishly gifted. Good shoes. Good suits. Expensive alcohol. You get me?) All the while, however, they're these sad, pathological womanizers who can't ever seem to be satisfied enough with one person.

But Don Draper caliber men aside, love and relationships can be really elaborate. So many things laced together to create something that could virtually destroy itself. So what happens when you can't choose between two people? I mean, aside from pray that the two aren't Roger Sterling and the aforementioned Don Draper, I'm baffled.

How on earth would you choose? How could you? How do you determine which one is The One? And how ridiculous is it to have feelings for two individuals, from LeAnn Rimes to ridiculous? (That's a serious question, friends. Not a sarcastic tweet.)

Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight. -Johnny Cash

Let's be real: It's not as if people are just running around creating mating lists in case the world ends. (Although let's be honest, that's not a terrible idea. I mean, how else would you repopulate the world? Top of my list would probably be Timothy Olyphant and definitely George Clooney. And probably Robert Downey, Jr. because obviously, the world could always use a little bit of bad boy. And his Tony Stark persona kind of makes me think that he'd probably be good at math...) But what happens when you find two that you really like? Or love?

I once was involved with this corrupt, nefarious, overgrown manchild who selfishly claimed to suffer from this exact dilemma. Despite the fact that he was notorious for being a habitual and pathological liar, I believed him. (Don't judge me. I was only nineteen and sober like, one hundred percent of the time. The problem with habitual liars is that when they're telling the truth, it's nearly impossible to believe them. And naturally, when they lie, you probably always believe them.) But anyway, I wasn't sure if he was really that committed to making me unhappy or if he was genuinely in love with two women.

It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited. -Lewis B. Smedes

However, for once in his miserable, condemned to go to hell, life he may have been telling the truth. It was an interesing situation because this fellow lady and I were very, very different. She was allegedly free-spirited and spontaneous. I was neurotic and tightly wrapped. She was laid back and naturally skinny. I was very structured and have been counting calories everyday since I was fourteen. She listened to Hoobastank, Breaking Benjamin and Metallica. I listened to John Legend, Jagged Edge and Frank Sinatra. We were very, very different.

Our looks, however, were very similar. We were both petite brunettes with green eyes and olive skin. We both had perfect, sparkling smiles and awesome fashion sense. We both had fiery tempers, tattoos and piercings. Blah, blah, blah.

So I suppose, if I really stretch out my brain, I could see how he might fall in love with both of us. We had the same general look with opposite personalities. It may come in handy to share relationships with two very unique women. Especially when you're a crazy person who suffers from chronic, violent mood swings.

Maybe instead of being a disgusting cheater, which he probably still claims to this day that he wasn't, he just found qualities in us that he couldn't let go. And unfortunately for us, those obviously awesome qualities were evenly split between the two of us. We clearly were so engaging and entertaining that he couldn't make up his mind which one he wanted full time. And who were we to make him choose? Just two five foot two inch college freshmen with hopes, dreams, and perpetual self-esteem issues.
Yes. He was a tall glass of annoying.

To say the least.

Delusion detests focus and romance provides the veil. -Suzanne Finnamore

I have this really wonderful friend also facing this dilemma, only in a totally different way. She's involved in more of a "one that got away" scenario. She had genuine feelings for a very close friend of hers and when she realized that they would never be, for whatever reason, she eventually moved on and found a love of her own. It was someone she would move mountains for, eat dinner with, and become a hot, 1950's wife for. (Like a cute, little Cuban Betty Draper.)

But those feelings for that other guy, the guy that it would probably never work out with, they never go away. They don't even fade away. They just live there in her heart, locked in a little box, so she never has to explore them. She swallows those feelings because she's rational but they're still there. They'll probably always be there, despite how infrequently she might consider them.

Moral of the Crazy: And it isn't about making the right, rational choice. It's about doing what you feel in your heart is right. It isn't about choosing the more exciting one because let's be real: if he were really that exciting, some hot, Brazilian Victoria's Secret model would have snatched him up already.

It isn't about picking the one who you think really understands you because listen to me, they never understand you. Not even after you're married. So just disregard that idea because honestly, it's just stupid. Those are Sean Penn caliber thoughts and you know, enough said... (Unless you want to fall in love with a fifty year old wife beater with a great body.)

And it isn't about picking the one who is nice, consoling and incessantly telling you how the other choice doesn't deserve you. Continually reminding you how terrible the other choice is and how well they would treat you, if given the choice. If given the opportunity to show you real love and what it feels like to be respected and treated like an equal.

No.

Pick the one who lives with you twenty-four hours a day and still loves you. The one who has listened to you tell the story about how your dream job is to work as a profiler for Interpol every time you get drunk and still loves you. (And seriously listens like it's the first time he's heard it. And usually responds with, "That would be awesome, babe. You would be really, really good at that.") The one who lets you re-watch (and re-chronicle) Mad Men and Archer over and over and still loves you. The one who chuckles when you tough talk people even though he knows he's going to have to kick some ass to clean up your mess. The one who tells you that you look stunning even though you know perfectly well that you totally don't.

Pick the one who puts up with you, not the one who didn't notice you until somebody else snatched you up. Because if those other guys really loved you, really cared about and appreciated you, they would have been there all along.

I keep warm with the bridges I've burned but that won't keep me warm for long. Memories of you are slipping deeper into time. A waste is a terrible thing to mind. -LeAnn Rimes