When I was growing up, I had this idea of what I thought
love would be like. I envisioned operatic music during fights and
reconciliations, bombastic kisses where a rugged man would grab my cheeks and
devour my lips, leaving me rapt with desire. That common dream of a man
rescuing me and then drinking red wine with me on a checkered picnic blanket
while we watched the waves crash on the surf. That my proverbial John Cusack or
Jon Hamm was going to push through a crowd of people to grab me possessively by
the arms and say, “Baby, don’t get on that plane. I love you more than a lyric
loves a melody. Here’s looking at you, kid.”
Or maybe something more reminiscent of the way Dr. Phil
always walks off the stage and reaches out his hand to Robin and then they walk
off together? How tender is that? I mean, the guy is like, 6’4” and he won’t
walk off stage without her? How affectionate, gentle and romantic for an
enormous, seemingly scary Oklahoma boy who appears more likely to kidnap her
than hold her hand?
So quite obviously, I’ve seen more than my fair share of
romantic comedies (I’m particularly fond of When Harry Met Sally, Runaway Bride
and Must Love Dogs. In fact, I could probably recite them to you…) but despite
all the novelty and perpetual dinner party conversations concerning the
archetypal grand gesture, there is something to be said about a big show of
love and affection. There is something steamy and invoking about someone just
bursting at the seams to exhibit their feelings for you. And there is something
so heartwarming about the fight for love.
Whether it’s professing your love on the jumbo-tron at a
Florida State game or proposing marriage on top of the Empire State building,
there is something to be said about staking that claim. There isn’t a woman out
there who doesn’t value such sentimentality. A man fighting for and proclaiming
their love for a woman can be fabulously intoxicating.
Of course, I have grown up, even if just a bit and I do
realize that things don’t always play out that way. Real life can sometimes get
in the way of romance, feelings, and chivalrous grand gestures. Sometimes it’s
that people get comfortable and it becomes easy to just live in a relationship.
Sex is routine, it’s like getting your teeth cleaned. Sure, you love it and
it’s rejuvenating and refreshing (…am I the only one who likes getting my teeth
cleaned?) but it’s something you have to squeeze into your everyday life amidst
school, work, family and other scheduling conflicts. Dates are like distant
dreams in the far off future. You can see them but you can’t touch them. Kind
words seem to be hurried, few and far between. Because life just happens. It
gets in the way.
Life is pain and the
enjoyment of love is an anesthetic. –Cesare Pavese
I have this very dear girlfriend who has been on a roller coaster of turbulent and violent love. She was involved in a fiery
relationship with a headstrong, angry man who she loved to the point of heart
explosion. And despite all of her efforts, he didn’t have the tools to show her
love. He didn’t have the tools to properly maintain his anger. I’ve often heard
my professors say that anger is only a mask to cover hurt feelings. But in
situations like these, I often believe that the people you should come to with
these feelings of inadequacy or whatever, are your loved ones. However instead,
problems like money and jealousy caused things to fall apart. He would erupt
completely irrationally and leave her with nothing but a Doom’s Day contingency
plan: Do what I say or face my consequences.
Relatively soon, her choice became clear. She could obey or
she could be his punching bag, his sounding board for hateful words often
stemmed from jealousy, and his dirty little secret.
But some time passed, she got away from the aforementioned
volatile, explosive wreck of a man child, although not entirely unscathed. She
had more than her fair share of scars, both physical and emotional. For a
while, she became a bit withdrawn, residing for a stint in this seemingly dark
place. She was understandably stuck in the shadows, becoming a frail, sad
fraction of the woman I once knew. She was instead becoming someone that I
failed to recognize.
But I knew why. She was exhausted of the fight, tired of
pushing herself to be the silent matron he was forcing her to be and burned out
by incessantly being beat down by him. She had lost her fight because she chose
to bow out and give up. She wasn’t going to ride hard into battle with him
anymore.
You don’t walk away
if you love someone. You help the person. –Hillary Clinton
But again, some time passed and she met someone, just
randomly at work. And it happened like it does in the movies. They met, they
locked eyes, they fell in love and it was dazzling and magical, like a Marvin
Gaye song. Instead viewing her like a damaged piece of pitiful human being, he
looked upon her with fresh, non-judgmental eyes and saw who she really was. A
gorgeous woman with sparkling brown eyes that danced with the sunlight. An
intelligent, funny woman who had a laugh that warmed his heart, a sense of
grace that captured his soul, and a touch that set his skin on fire. She was a
woman worth fighting for and he had just engaged in the most romantic,
whimsical and worthwhile battle of his entire life.
Sometimes I truly believe that fight for love is quite
possibly the most pragmatic decision one can make. To walk away from something
so important and wonderful, well, it’s like giving up on life. It’s like just
standing like a statue frozen in time, while life passes you by. Life just keeps
on living around you and all the while you’re stuck in the net. Like a
swordfish or a whacked off mobster.
I hear a lot of people, young people in their twenties, say
they’ve given up on love, they’ve had an enormity of bad, hurt filled
experiences, and their heart has been so irrevocably injured that they will
never recover. I just feel like, no matter what your age, you are far too young
for that mentality.
Even when love isn’t
enough… sometimes it is. –Stephen King
One of the primary reasons that I am so in love with the
movie Walk the Line is because above all things, it’s a love story. Throughout
all their issues, Johnny and June never gave up on each other. They both had
terrible, failed marriages and yet, they knew love still had to exist because
they had a connection that begged to be explored. When Johnny hit rock bottom
and walked all the way to June’s mom’s house from wherever the hell he was, she
asked him, “You walked here…?” in disbelief. (And she’s so cute about it too,
the way she pretends not to care about him.) And then he just smiles drunkenly,
sways in the grass with his crooked grin and replies, “Yes, ma’am. I’m on the
June Carter love walk.”
That’s one of the best sentences I have ever heard. Best,
most romantically insightful lines from a movie of ever.
There are times when I get really bitter and I think to
myself, “People are just terrible creatures. Love doesn’t exist within all of
us and maybe some of us are meant to be alone.” Or, “It’s better to be
miserable and alone, rather than with someone and miserable. People don’t
change, they just learn sneakier ways to hurt you. The only person you can
trust is Carmine the Cheese Man,” and other bitter Italian thoughts cloud my
brain. And to be honest, friends? Sometimes I really do believe those things.
Moral of the Crazy: But sometimes I don’t.
There are also people out there who are worth fighting for.
It’s like Dolly Parton once said, “Storms make trees take deeper roots.”
Sometimes people really are good hearted and you just have to break their
guards down in order for them to let you into their souls. Sometimes you just
have to fight for love. And sometimes, it’s really, really worth it.
One of my male friends (Bless his bitter, black heart.) once
told me that I shouldn’t write about these sappy love stories. He said that my
writing better suits my sarcastic, light hearted personality. And honestly,
I’ve heard many people whine and complain about anything that involves
professing their feelings and admitting that they love and care for someone.
When I was younger, I once dated a man who was so tortured by love, so
convinced (no joke) that he was going to die by 28, that he purposely closed
everyone out and drank his nights away. He only had a rocks glass of liquor and
a bimbo of the week to keep him warm. That and memories of the alleged woman
who got a way. The one who broke his heart.
And you know what I say? I say fuck those people. Let me
tell you something. It’s stories like these that save people. Stories about
love and devotion and finding true love when you’ve lost everything. Stories
about being so down and out that you have virtually nothing left to live for
until you meet that one person that saves your life. That’s what truly saves
people.
So fight for your love because some people are worth the
battle. Some people are worth buying life insurance for. Some people are worth
hurting for. And some people are worth loving until you take your last breath.
Never, never, never
give up. –Winston Churchill
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