It's joyful to give. But for people who want to take advantage of you, you're kind of an easy mark. -Larry King

In today's ever growing society, equipped with touch screens and Honey Boo Boo, EBay and knock off Burberry scarves (which, by the way, is just a tragedy), I feel as though the treatment of others is incessantly changing. With such instant gratification comes the propensity of people demanding things of those around them. The little man gets shafted and the nice people get taken advantage of. The proverbial sweetheart forgives until she's blue in the face, just to be forced to endure it all over again. Being flexible and willing to go with the flow seem to earn you the title of "Doormat" and it's not such a pretty name, is it?

Since when did being a nice person merit such blatant disrespect? Oh yeah, when the world stopped giving the shit. Because apparently a nice, respectful, formidable adult equals a weak, pushover doormat. So tell me friends: Is the alleged doormat sweet or sedated?

I have this friend who is sweet as pie. She has this mildly bad habit of constantly going out of her way for absolutely everyone. And what's really annoying is that almost none of them ever return the favor. I mean, a handful of them, maybe, but even then it's few and far between. There's only a select few of them who have ever made a real effort.

She's loaned out money, driven people around, picked up shifts, and offered her time purely out of the goodness of her heart. She's never expected anything back other than their respect and the hope that they would help her out should she ever need a favor in return. Like my homeboy Brad Paisley once said, "Don't let the chain of love end with you." This is what we call human kindness. True?

It's frustrating because I know how fed up she gets with people walking all over her. It's really taxing to just give and give and get nothing in return. To continually give someone your all, the very best of you, just to get slapped in the face. To make it your life's work to be kind hearted, a person that other people can run to with their troubles, just to be treated like an emotional wreck of a doormat.

And how utterly offensive, when you really think about it? I mean, a doormat is something that you wipe your filthy, dirty outside feet on before you walk inside. And that's the way a doormat is treated in response to their efforts. You wipe your shit covered feet on them before you walk indoors. You drench them with your dirty problems, figuratively saturate them with your filth, use them to get cleaned up and then schmooze your crotchety self on them the very next time you need something. How infuriating, right? It's disgusting, that behavior.

Friends, that friend is me and quite frankly, I'm tired of it. I am just fed up of being walked all over. There has got to be more to life than getting treated like garbage, right? People are supposed to be good, they're supposed to take care of each other (Read the Karma blog...), to share in the milk of human kindness, right? Right?!!

(.... that probably wasn't rational behavior...)

 

We try to be real nice and friendly to people but sometimes they take advantage of that. -Layne Staley

The truth is that I have had a hard time with this because I don't know where to lay the blame. Is it the "doormat's" fault for being a person of exemplary kindness and human decency? You know, like that "Fool me once, shame of you. Fool me twice, shame on me" mentality? Or is it the person doing the fooling who's to blame? The complete tool who takes it upon himself to continue taking advantage of said sweet hearted doormat? The individual who is knowingly and intentionally wiping their disgusting feet on someone who is issuing a favor? Going out of their way with a smile? Being a plain, old unadulterated good person?

I'm going to be real with you. I want to blame the person taking advantage because being a good person isn't a terrible thing. Being a loyal and dependable person that people can count on isn't, and should not be considered, a crime. The person taking advantage, repeating the same offense over and over and OVER, they're the criminals. Like serial killers, sucking the fully functioning adults dry for their own stupid benefits.

And that really bothers me because listen, formidable character is something that's just not appreciated anymore. And it really should be because it isn't so commonly found. I just feel like everywhere I go, people have all these reasons and excuses why they suck at life. (Or as my mentor used to say, "They're a waste of breath because they aren't bringing anything positive to the world.") As if all the problems they have are suddenly everyone else's fault or they somehow inherited them through no fault of their own.

Look here: It's exactly your fault. And no amount of favors from other people or suckered in doormats is going to alleviate your problems. The end.

 

Because I'm just a giving person spiritually, I feel that if your intentions are to use or abuse or take advantage of then you might get what you want in the meantime, but there's still a price to pay. -Angie Stone

However, there is a very limited part of me that believes that maybe these proverbial moochers are only taking advantage of the doormats within their own right. Because realistically, it could very well be that we're enabling them.

I've heard that if you have high expectations for things, you're bound to be sorely disappointed. Maybe we could all benefit from extending that mindset to people. You know, expect them to be wretched, terrible creatures and you may turn out to be pleasantly surprise when they're not. (The bigger part of me finds that unassailably depressing. Just me? Product of a hippie mom, I suppose. I'm on an incessant search to find the good in people.)

The thing is, what if, for once, we told these monsters no? No, I can't stay late. No, I can't take you all over the world today. No, I can't spot you thirty bucks. No, I will not partake in your shit talking. I'm not a freshman in high school. No, I will not make that phone call for you. Truly fellow doormats, would the world stop spinning on its axis if for once, we thought of ourselves first? Wouldn't it be refreshing if we stood up for ourselves and rejected the position of doormat?

I once heard this story about a New York City homicide detective who was bumped over to forensics because of a little tiff he had with a repeat offender. (The following is an honest to God true story.) I don't know all of the details but apparently there was this man who was a child rapist, habitual drug user and chronic misbehaver. There was one instance where he ran around the city, chopping off heads where he found them. Once in particular, where he stole a van, kidnapped a waitress and her boyfriend and drove around the city with them for a few hours. But this wasn't just a joyride. The guy decapitated the boyfriend and just let the waitress ride around in a stolen van with her boyfriend's headless corpse sitting beside her. Sounds like a pretty nice guy, right?

Well, the homicide detective gets on the case and immediately recognizes the perpetrator. He had arrested him a few times before (for somewhat less violent crimes) but because of loop holes in the justice system, the guy had been released every time. Naturally, the detective was a bit miffed because obviously the guy was a threat to society but he was working the system. And now he had violently murdered someone and kidnapped another.

So when things start to get real, a shake down occurs. I want to say the detective winged the bad guy (Honestly, it's been awhile since I've heard the story.), maimed him just enough to get him down on the ground. "Why don't you check on the waitress?" the detective spoke to the medics. "I'll keep an eye on him."

There weren't any witnesses and the detective knew he only had one choice. He would no longer be a victim to the justice system he served. The system that was designed to protect the criminals more profusely than the average law abiding citizen. He would no longer be a doormat that arrested the same idiot over and over. New York City deserved more than that.

So while the perpetual murderer was talking shit to the detective about how he would soon be free again, the detective stepped on his throat until he heard it crunch. Then he yelled for a paramedic. "This guy doesn't look so good," he grumbled in a manner that was stereotypical for an overworked cop in the seventies. "You better come take a look at him."

And so the world was short one less criminal and the detective doubled as a forensic photographer. The story goes that he was just moonlighting to help out the spread thin police department because he had an interest in photography.

Moral of the Crazy: Now, don't misunderstand because I'm not saying become a black hearted vigilante. I'm not condoning taking things into your own hands and pulling a Kevin Bacon in Death Sentence because spoiler alert: practically everyone dies in the end. I'm not saying buy a pre civil war sombrero and shoot up the plantation owner who kidnapped your wife. This isn't Django, friends.

I'm just saying that there are people out there who are not worthy of the niceties. There are individuals out there who are unsavory, they have no love to give and they just go around draining the emotions out of everyone else. They make doormats out of us and it isn't fair. Sometimes there just is no good to find.

So stand up for yourself. Don't be anybody's doormat. Because sashaying through life doing everybody free favors only gets you dirty.

We grow a little every time we do not take advantages of somebody's weakness. -Bernard Williams