... and then, she woke up.
She woke up in a shabby apartment next to her dead beat, snoring boyfriend, to an alarm that was waking her up to go to her dead end, no possible room for any sort of advancement, job. She got up, made a pot of coffee that didn't taste nearly as good as it smelled and dreamt about all of those little things that she wanted. Maybe a boyfriend who wasn't a former convict or a closet jerk bag. Maybe a job where people valued her work and treated her like that intelligent woman that she was. Or perhaps, just a bank account that was full enough to fly her to the Holy Land or buy those great metallic blue, Tory Burch flats without having to starve for two weeks. Maybe she wanted to sing in an Etta Fitzgerald style band and snap her fingers like Frank Sinatra or publish a book but whatever it was that she wanted, those little things that she had forever craved in her fragile little mind... she would never find them in the state she was in. In that shabby, third floor apartment. Next to that godawful man who claimed to love her.
While the material things are always a plus in almost any situation, they aren't something worth living for. Love, stability and supportiveness within a romantic relationship are the things to truly celebrate. Perhaps because they aren't so commonly found. They're hard to come by. And that, my friends, is what makes them so valuable.
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. -Bill Maher
I have this gorgeous girlfriend. (Okay, I know what you're going to say. And it's not my fault that I'm clearly incredibly popular and have gorgeous friends. It's just life, alright?) Anyways, she's bright, funny and just incredibly put together. She's one of those really grown up people who makes you feel bad about yourself because she's so logical. She knows how to do those important grown up things like write a resume, register to vote and check her credit score.
But she's in a relationship with this big, dumb idiot.
She's under the assumption that he's the best thing since Timothy Olyphant. (I really hate to compare her idiot boyfriend to Timothy Olyphant but I need you to grasp the severity of the situation...) But that's only because she's inexplicably blinded by love. I obviously don't know what goes on behind closed doors but every time I've seen them together he treats her like a second class citizen. He's been legally impaired, caught in stupid lies and in my opinion, sort of mooches off of her. Mainly because, as I mentioned earlier, she's mature and clearly better than him at supporting herself. And acting like a fully formed adult.
Even her immediate family isn't terribly close with him. I can only assume that's because they sense how mentally and financially unstable he is and pray every holiday that he won't propose. (Which he obviously won't because that would mean that he would have to actually plan something and then save up for it. I mean, let's be real. That's never gonna happen. At least, hopefully not while I'm alive....)
But, before you go labeling me an insensitive bee word, let me make something very clear: I would have no problem with his absolute katrillions of adult short comings if he treated her right. The way that she should be treated. Which, based on her personality, is awesome. The fact that he's a loser and treats her like garbage just makes me want to staple things to his head. Or fling acid in his face. If he was the same dead beat but treated her like a queen, I would love him. (Or, I'd at least work on it.) But unfortunately, really, only for her, that's just not the case.
I know so many men who say that girls only like guys who treat them like garbage. Something about the maltreatment just keeps them coming back. The funny things about this very true statement is that you never hear ladies say it. If you were to ask me, I'd say it was because ladies are so dumb and love drunk that they don't realize their loser boyfriend is terrible to them. But when my husband and I spoke about it, he alerted me to a much better answer. "They aren't stupid or blinded by love," he smirked and shook his head. "But if they said it out loud, they would know just how stupid it sounds." (He's obviously far superior when it comes to lady brain rationalities, that hubby of mine.)
Women don't want to hear what you think. They want to hear what they think in a deeper voice. -Bill Cosby
So, what do women want?
The trouble with women is they want warmth and comfort. They want someone who agrees with them and helps them to feel less crazy. Someone to offer them solace when they're sad and give them an over sized jacket when they're cold. They want someone to romance them, someone to listen to their nonexistent girl problems but not try to actually fix them.
What do women want?
An excuse to get closer.
But rather unfortunately, there are more people affected by this sort of tragedy than just my pretty friend. Should these women who crave that enticing closeness ever wake up and smell the Starbucks, what's to become of her future relationships? When she walks away from the aforementioned live in dead beat and into the arms of someone new and (obviously) better?
What inevitably unfolds is that every relationship that follows that shitty one is doomed fateful. Emotional scarring and being walked all over becomes habit and what else can she do but protect herself? She treats this new guy like he's the old one. She throws up those impenetrable walls and puts her defense on the starting line. And just like that, the nice upgrade of a boyfriend gets the shaft. All because that closeness that she thought she needed, that man who she swore wasn't as bad as everyone thought, was really just a poorly disguised rouse in a Tampa Bay Rays jersey.
Moral of the Crazy: My thing is this: if you're trying to find reasons why he's worth staying with or if you're looking for that sign that it's true love, there probably aren't any and it's probably not. If you have to endlessly defend him to me, you probably shouldn't make incessant excuses for his rancid behavior. You probably need to stop trying to find the nonexistent good in him and move on. You should be his girlfriend, his wife, his soul mate. Not his crutch. Not his live in babysitter. Not his maid. Not his punching bag.
The truth is that some men are in the same boat. They're the ones who just want an excuse to get closer or that reason to dote on that woman that they love. They aren't all lazy, cussing cheaters who lie about things that don't matter. You've just got to wade through the millions of dodgy ones to find your Portuguese pearl.
And so, to assist those who may not so easily spot those irrevocably nasty boys, I've compiled a list of things that you should know. So you can kick that man to the curb.
10 Signs You're Dating a Tool:
1. [And this is a BIG one] If you were to go out of town or if anything (God forbid) was to ever happen to you, he would be left standing starving and naked in your living room because he literally cannot do anything for himself.
2. He lies about where he is, where he's going, or where he's been.
3. He doesn't introduce you as his girlfriend (or wife) within a minute of meeting someone, particularly a female someone.
4. He's secretive about your relationship to his female friends and on his social networking accounts.
5. He's so terribly antisocial (or just has that terrible of a personality) that he makes you ask for things for him in public. (IE, an alcoholic beverage at a party at a friend's house.)
6. He makes fun of you when you cry.
7. He's disrespectful to your family and/or friends.
8. He's disrespectful to you.
9. He doesn't take you on dates or make an attempt to exercise any romantic behavior.
10. He is a generic, worthless piece of male garbage with bad manners.
Even ONE of these behaviors is despicable and I would wager to guess that you're far too beautiful for him anyway. So put on your most amazing wedges and kick that infant manchild to the curb. Because you deserve better than him.
Good men are hard to find but they ARE out there. So leave that worthless lump and always remember that you're worth more than he could probably ever give you. And while everyone should know how to cuddle, it feels so much warmer when you're not worn out from incessantly and inexplicably catering to an overgrown idiot.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. -Groucho Marx
The Crazy version of Dear Abby:
Need advice on something vital or love induced? Have some gossip that you desperately need to share? Want to swap idiot boyfriend stories?
Share your stories with me at: katemeyer@verizon.net with the subject line Crazy Face and be anonymously featured in my blog!
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