Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. -Deborah Reber

Today I caught up with an old, dear friend of mine. Per the standard, our conversation was heartfelt and informational. It had been quite awhile since we had last spoken. Life changing events and college classes seeming to absorb all of our previous late night conversations. And don't misunderstand, friends. I'm not offended because such is life and the friendship that I have with this man is unbreakable. Because as cliche as it sounds, we could not talk for a year and it feels as if no time has passed. We're forever bonded through music, loyalty and understanding.

However, as rejuvenating as our conversation was (and always is), there was a compliment that he paid his sweet, sweet wife that just warmed my heart. "She is just special," he wrote to me, "She can forgive. Even for those really bad things."

As simplex as that classic claim of appreciation may sound, it really touched my soul. I sort of blinked my Dior glossed eye lashes and stared at the words on my phone. She can forgive... That's an admirable quality that a lot of us who grew up with the wars waged between Tupac and Biggie do not possess.

It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories. But you find yourself moving on. -Nicholas Sparks

All that forgiveness got me to thinking about relationships of all kinds and moving on from them when things aren't right. And not just moving on but letting go of what ails you. Forgiving those who have hurt and betrayed you. It's not so easy for all of us, however. Especially when we have hot tempered, Italian genes. That "I like my ladies like I like my sausage: spicy and Italian" only works for so long. That cuteness is more of a novelty and does eventually wear off...

I guess that in this crazy world of elementary school shootings and hitch hiking and robbing Floridian hookers, it's hard to NOT hold onto things. It's easy to get so comfortable in a relationship (romantic or otherwise), to fall so deeply into a love induced coma, that you lose sight of what's real. Those empirical problems that are so profound you can actually hold them in your hand.

In these forlorn situations, where said relationships beget tragedy, where do you draw the line? How do you determine that defining moment that sends you on your way? And then how is it that you just walk away? How do you determine what's truly worth fighting for? What is it about this particular war or words flung in anger that changes everything? Even those really bad things?

Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over. -Nicole Sobon

The other morning, I woke up at 4:30. Things like my sordid history, impending kitchen renovations and nightmares about waking up in a mental ward with amnesia under someone else's name (Isn't that the scariest thought ever? Yes, seriously! I'm a psychology major with a passion for studying serial killers, friends...) keeping me awake. Unable to sleep, I decided the only thing that could soothe my weary lady brain was checking, reading and writing emails. (... and cue the collective sigh of relief.)

The one I read that particular morning was from a lovely lady friend of mine, detailing the events of her last few days. Those details aren't really all that important for this intrinsic crusade. What is important is one, single line that she wrote: Forgive your past, it read. Not just pretty words. If only it were that easy.

In those situations where bad things happen, what is it that induces the dissolution of a relationship? When is the day that you wake up to find that all bets are off? That you've decided it's right to move on? And in properly doing so, forgiving those acidic creatures who have obviously disparaged you? Or betrayed you?

Sometimes I think that the scariest thing in these cryptic situations isn't necessarily in the deciding but in the starting over. Alone. Sometimes it's more horrifying to think about what lies ahead of you, rather than what will happen if you stay. Moving on and forgiving, as simple as it sounds, can be such a strong and grown up decision. One that can be impossibly difficult to make.

You will find that it's necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles. -C. Joy Bell C.

I wouldn't say I'm good at forgiving but at the same time, I don't stay mad forever. I can be cold and in some cases, sassy when I'm angry. Grumpy, even. But I think grudges are ridiculous. Stuff made for recess at the school yard. However, there is a huge difference between truly forgiving people and pretending they don't exist. Parading around as if the main source of your whiskey addiction never existed isn't moving on. Quite the opposite, actually.

If I'm not too plagued by ignoring my problems (and I'm seeing this more and more), I forget there's even a feud and act like nothing happened. I don't forgive them or even address what they (or in very rare cases, I) have done. I kill them with kindness because it's easier than dealing with whatever ails me. To be honest, my most natural state is to not be a fighter. I don't flip tables. I don't cut off horse heads and bloody up sheets. I don't yell because it hurts my throat and probably raises my blood pressure. I don't like how quickly an argument can escalate and turn into something elaborately crazy. That's just not me.

Moral of the Crazy: But swallowing your affliction with a double Jameson back isn't really letting go, is it? Saying passive aggressive things to the effect of: "This works out perfectly for you, doesn't it?! Just know I'm still here if you need a friend..." isn't quite moving on. Holding onto things that are years old isn't forgiving someone.

It's power surrendering. It's brain cluttering. It's sleep depriving. It's a taxing, unliberated burden.

So untie those weights. Forgive each other. Wake up tomorrow morning without a hangover and that underlying anger lurking below the surface. When there's nothing left, give up the tireless and diligent efforts to fix things and just move on.

Alone but strong. Maybe lonely but liberated. Start over with what's left of only the good memories.

Live in the present, friends. And forgive your past.

Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. -Lyndon B. Johnson

The Crazy version of Dear Abby:

Need advice on something vital or love induced? Have some gossip that you desperately need to share? Want to swap idiot boyfriend stories?

Share your stories with me at: katemeyer@tampabay.rr.com with the subject line Crazy Face and be anonymously featured in my blog!