Oh, goody. It's that time of the year again where cheerfulness and smiles are inevitably forced on everyone, more especially those who do not seek that sort of behavior out so willingly. It's the time when people force romantic advice and stories down your throat as if you're supposed to care. As if hearing this crap will alleviate the pain and loneliness that only single people feel. It's the time when couples go out and exhibit their alleged love for each other, even though they only do so on this exact night. The rest of the year is seemingly so unimportant to them because clearly VALENTINE'S DAY is the only day that really matters in any loving relationship. The day when you can't go to any restaurant because they're all cluttered with people dressed in pink and red, schlepping bouquets of flowers and boxes of chocolate, and eating up all the oysters. Drinking up all the whiskey. It is not nice, friends. It's a commercially generated holiday and I only partake in its contagious nectar because I'm married to someone great. And also because I don't think I could survive without that heart shaped box of Godiva disguised aphrodisiacs... (They are truly divine. I mean, really. You haven't lived.)
It kind of makes me feel almost like the people who get really into Valentine's Day are usually the people who spend the other 364 days of their lives not doing what they should be doing to keep it together. -Adam Levine
I love that the greatest quotes come from the musicians you'd least expect. I remember a few years ago, my old boss said that her and her husband don't celebrate Valentine's Day because they don't feel they need an excuse to celebrate their love for each other. I remember the sarcastic look she had on her face when she said: Frank says if he wants to buy me flowers, he's not going to do it for the sake of some socially acceptable holiday. He's going to do it because he loves me and he wants to.
I can understand this. IE, love needs no reason to be professed. It just is. So it makes me wonder if what my homeboy Adam Levine claimed during that Ryan Seacrest interview holds true. I mean, I would be inclined to think so. The guy writes love songs for a living...
The trouble is that Valentine's Day is a retailed generated holidays that has been made to make single people feel more alone. Those overplayed love songs are bound to leave the singles feeling nauseated. It just seems unfair that a putrid, overweight little fairy can hold that much power over us. With people like the Beckhams running around and shoving their globe trotting love down our throats, however are we supposed to get through that dreaded, mushy Thursday evening when no one is sending us hand dipped carnations? No one is safe from this affliction, friends. No one.
It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week. -Laurence J. Peter
But here's the thing, friends: Valentine's Day has quite a sordid and tragical history. One whose crazy is far deeper seated than any of the twisted skeletons in my closet. While said crazy seems utterly impossible to top, I offer up to you the story of a seemingly lovesick priest condemned to martyrdom during the third century in Rome. His name was Valentine and he was charged with defying Emperor Cladius II. It turns out, however, his defiance was relatively romantic.
Claudius II got it in his twisted, third century brain that single men made better soldiers. Men who were strong and devoid of feminine ties and family seemingly held more of a purpose to the Roman military. Maybe they were deemed more ruthless, apt to charge hard into battle, given that their heart had never been softened by the touch of a woman. And as such, the deluded Claudius outlawed marriages for anyone, presumably under the impression that he was doing what was best for his country. After all, men made weak by the love of a woman were very obviously useless in battle.
Priest Valentine, however, did strongly disagree. [And cue the collective sigh of relief.] He found this morbid outlaw of marriage unfair and unconstitutional. So he took it upon himself to institute the first ever Chapel of Love, sans the Elvis impersonator. He married couples in secret, sometimes in the still of the night, until his wrong doings were eventually discovered by the Emperor. His punishment, true to Caligula drenched Roman history, was death. His death, according to historians, took place on what is now known as Valentine's Day.
Oh, above all things I believe in love. -Christian, Moulin Rouge!
Another version of the story tells of the same priest, imprisoned for trying to free Christians from cruel and abusive Roman prisons. Once found guilty and imprisoned, Valentine allegedly fell in love with his jailer's daughter. They wrote letters to each other during his incarceration and supposedly, she even visited him in jail. In his last letter to her, he signed it "From Your Valentine".
Now, while the actual details of this epic tradition and mythology remain to be something of a mystery that we'll probably never know, there is a proverbial light at the end of the story. What I really value about this story is that priest Valentine, who would later become Saint Valentine, is remembered as a romantic. He's painted as someone who believed in love and fought for what he thought was fair. And while sometimes I feel like Valentine's Day is literally the dumbest holiday ever, this story, true or not, makes me feel like maybe some things are worth fighting for. Some things are worth believing in. Maybe some things, no matter how much they hurt, are worth the struggle.
Moral of the Crazy: I'm not super cynical all the time but it's just that very few things (and people) surprise me. I'm not a huge fan of Valentine's Day because personally, I don't need an excuse or designated day to celebrate the love I have for my husband. But at the same time, there is something simple and romantic about giving gifts and having a fancy dinner on the most romantic and sensual night of the year.
So put on a sexy black dress and a pair of Make Love to Me pumps and make him take you to dinner. Gaze into his pretty eyes while he's rattling on about what changes he's making to your kitchen and remember all the reasons you fell in love with him. Remind yourself why he was put on this earth in the first place: to find you. To cherish your heart and enrich your soul. Be thankful to the priest Valentine for giving himself for love and for helping to institute a day to remember and cherish your one true love. Your ever deserving Valentine.
Make everyday Valentine's Day and don't let Cupid get you down.
The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love. -Margaret Atwood
And as a special Valentine's Day edition special, I leave you with the keeper of my soul: the ultimate gift to any thug in their own right.
The Crazy version of Dear Abby:
Need advice on something vital or love induced? Have some gossip that you desperately need to share? Want to swap idiot boyfriend stories?
Share your stories with me at: katemeyer@tampabay.rr.com with the subject line Crazy Face and be anonymously featured in my blog!
It kind of makes me feel almost like the people who get really into Valentine's Day are usually the people who spend the other 364 days of their lives not doing what they should be doing to keep it together. -Adam Levine
I love that the greatest quotes come from the musicians you'd least expect. I remember a few years ago, my old boss said that her and her husband don't celebrate Valentine's Day because they don't feel they need an excuse to celebrate their love for each other. I remember the sarcastic look she had on her face when she said: Frank says if he wants to buy me flowers, he's not going to do it for the sake of some socially acceptable holiday. He's going to do it because he loves me and he wants to.
I can understand this. IE, love needs no reason to be professed. It just is. So it makes me wonder if what my homeboy Adam Levine claimed during that Ryan Seacrest interview holds true. I mean, I would be inclined to think so. The guy writes love songs for a living...
The trouble is that Valentine's Day is a retailed generated holidays that has been made to make single people feel more alone. Those overplayed love songs are bound to leave the singles feeling nauseated. It just seems unfair that a putrid, overweight little fairy can hold that much power over us. With people like the Beckhams running around and shoving their globe trotting love down our throats, however are we supposed to get through that dreaded, mushy Thursday evening when no one is sending us hand dipped carnations? No one is safe from this affliction, friends. No one.
It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week. -Laurence J. Peter
But here's the thing, friends: Valentine's Day has quite a sordid and tragical history. One whose crazy is far deeper seated than any of the twisted skeletons in my closet. While said crazy seems utterly impossible to top, I offer up to you the story of a seemingly lovesick priest condemned to martyrdom during the third century in Rome. His name was Valentine and he was charged with defying Emperor Cladius II. It turns out, however, his defiance was relatively romantic.
Claudius II got it in his twisted, third century brain that single men made better soldiers. Men who were strong and devoid of feminine ties and family seemingly held more of a purpose to the Roman military. Maybe they were deemed more ruthless, apt to charge hard into battle, given that their heart had never been softened by the touch of a woman. And as such, the deluded Claudius outlawed marriages for anyone, presumably under the impression that he was doing what was best for his country. After all, men made weak by the love of a woman were very obviously useless in battle.
Priest Valentine, however, did strongly disagree. [And cue the collective sigh of relief.] He found this morbid outlaw of marriage unfair and unconstitutional. So he took it upon himself to institute the first ever Chapel of Love, sans the Elvis impersonator. He married couples in secret, sometimes in the still of the night, until his wrong doings were eventually discovered by the Emperor. His punishment, true to Caligula drenched Roman history, was death. His death, according to historians, took place on what is now known as Valentine's Day.
Oh, above all things I believe in love. -Christian, Moulin Rouge!
Another version of the story tells of the same priest, imprisoned for trying to free Christians from cruel and abusive Roman prisons. Once found guilty and imprisoned, Valentine allegedly fell in love with his jailer's daughter. They wrote letters to each other during his incarceration and supposedly, she even visited him in jail. In his last letter to her, he signed it "From Your Valentine".
Now, while the actual details of this epic tradition and mythology remain to be something of a mystery that we'll probably never know, there is a proverbial light at the end of the story. What I really value about this story is that priest Valentine, who would later become Saint Valentine, is remembered as a romantic. He's painted as someone who believed in love and fought for what he thought was fair. And while sometimes I feel like Valentine's Day is literally the dumbest holiday ever, this story, true or not, makes me feel like maybe some things are worth fighting for. Some things are worth believing in. Maybe some things, no matter how much they hurt, are worth the struggle.
Moral of the Crazy: I'm not super cynical all the time but it's just that very few things (and people) surprise me. I'm not a huge fan of Valentine's Day because personally, I don't need an excuse or designated day to celebrate the love I have for my husband. But at the same time, there is something simple and romantic about giving gifts and having a fancy dinner on the most romantic and sensual night of the year.
So put on a sexy black dress and a pair of Make Love to Me pumps and make him take you to dinner. Gaze into his pretty eyes while he's rattling on about what changes he's making to your kitchen and remember all the reasons you fell in love with him. Remind yourself why he was put on this earth in the first place: to find you. To cherish your heart and enrich your soul. Be thankful to the priest Valentine for giving himself for love and for helping to institute a day to remember and cherish your one true love. Your ever deserving Valentine.
Make everyday Valentine's Day and don't let Cupid get you down.
The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love. -Margaret Atwood
And as a special Valentine's Day edition special, I leave you with the keeper of my soul: the ultimate gift to any thug in their own right.
The Thug Life Valentine's Day Song List:
(And these are in no particular order because they're all equally heart warming.)
No Air- Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks
Hate That I Love You- Rihanna and NeYo
Let's Get Married (Remix)- Jagged Edge ft. Run DMC
Fallin'- J. Holiday
With You- Chris Brown
Can't Help But Wait- Trey Songz
I'll Make Love to You- Boyz II Men
Let's Get It On- Marvin Gaye
Cupid's Chokehold- Gym Class Heroes ft. Patrick Stump
When I Was Your Man- Bruno Mars
Stay with You- John Legend
Best You Ever Had- John Legend
Everybody Knows- John Legend
Heartless- Kanye West
Goodbye-Hootie and the Blowfish
Use Me- Bill Withers
Hate That I Love You- Rihanna and NeYo
Let's Get Married (Remix)- Jagged Edge ft. Run DMC
Fallin'- J. Holiday
With You- Chris Brown
Can't Help But Wait- Trey Songz
I'll Make Love to You- Boyz II Men
Let's Get It On- Marvin Gaye
Cupid's Chokehold- Gym Class Heroes ft. Patrick Stump
When I Was Your Man- Bruno Mars
Stay with You- John Legend
Best You Ever Had- John Legend
Everybody Knows- John Legend
Heartless- Kanye West
Goodbye-Hootie and the Blowfish
Use Me- Bill Withers
And more importantly:
The Top 5 Valentine's Day Gifts:
(And these ARE in order. One being the best, five being... the fifth best.)
1. Chocolate: Dude, no. I don't care. You can't go wrong with Godiva. My husband gets me the big box every year and he knows I never share. There are rules.
2. Jewelry: Always a sweet gift. Especially as you get older and deeper into the relationship. You stuck around this long? Bro should probably hook you up with some pretty bling. A token of his affection. Just saying.
3. Alcohol: Romantic and most definitely useful. I like triple distilled Irish whiskey (preferably Jameson or Bushmill's) if you need any help getting started.
4. Mixed CD: In my opinion, SUPER romantic. I like to make mixes that say what I'm feeling. Songs express things that I never could. Don't judge. I come from a long line of heavy drinking musicians.
5. Flowers: Love them. Hate that they die in five days. How is that an adequate symbol for love? Pretty and fragrant for a day, start wilting by day two, and dead a week later. Lame but cute in the moment, I suppose. Especially when you least expect them. Personally I like daisies and dahlias. Again, just throwing out some suggestions.
The Crazy version of Dear Abby:
Need advice on something vital or love induced? Have some gossip that you desperately need to share? Want to swap idiot boyfriend stories?
Share your stories with me at: katemeyer@tampabay.rr.com with the subject line Crazy Face and be anonymously featured in my blog!
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