What I'm saying is men and women can't be friends because the sex part gets in the way. -Harry Burns, When Harry Met Sally

Quite frequently, I have heard women say that more often than not, they get along better with men and as such, maintain more male friendships. "Girls are just so catty," these ladies say, "with men there is no drama," or "You know where you stand with men. Girls, not so much." Friends, I know this because I just so happen to be one of these probably delusional ladies who primarily has more male friends than female ones. But there's also the other side of the spectrum: those people (probably slightly less delusional) who believe that male and female friendships do not truly exist. These alleged "friendships" are myths created by sitcoms like Friends and Sex and the City to make people believe that friends with benefits thing is classy, sexy and appealing. I mean, come on, if Carrie Bradshaw and Rachel Green are doing it, I should too, right? (I can almost guarantee that all those television writers are male.)

It's like someone said to me the other day, "Life is not like the show Friends! You don't just take turns screwing each other and maintain a healthy friendship. This isn't real life," he raised his eyebrows at me in frustration. To be honest, it's easy for me to see both sides because I'm terribly open minded. And also because I've been on both ends of the situation. But there can only be one ultimate. So which is it? Can men and women be friends?

Harry: No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman that he finds unattractive?
Harry: No... he pretty much wants to nail her too.
-Harry Burns and Sally Albright, When Harry Met Sally

Although it's probably not true in all cases, I think it's fair to say that the male side of the friendship commonly wants to wrangle the female side's lady parts. Now, is it every man? Probably not but let me tell you, in my experience, it's pretty darn frequent. The sad part about this on the lady end is that it makes it difficult to maintain genuine friendships with men. I mean, if everyone around you wants to be intimate with you, what are you besides gorgeous and clearly oozing pheromones (or in some very severe cases, oxytocin)? How are you supposed to determine whether or not these alleged friends really care about your well being and the problems you may have vented to them about? How are you to seek refuge in them by way of platonic friendship if they're incessantly assessing and mentally undressing your hour glass figure? It becomes very unnerving when everyone is treating you like you're Joan Hollaway.

The sad part is that women go into this fantasy deemed friendship with the purest of intentions. Women DO NOT want to be friends with benefits! They might say they do in order to not appear crazy but no woman would consciously agree to that. That kind of nonsense is only suggested and instituted by a male and no sane woman would so easily fall into it willingly.
The problem is women want to have a girlfriend with a male perspective, hence the need to seek solace in a male friend. And there comes the man, listening to all the lady's problems and nodding intently. But all the while, he's imagining what she's wearing under her fabulous DKNY dress. In actuality, they are tuning out their lady friend's problems and envisioning what they taste like. I've seen it a million times. You could be in the midst of a story about the death of a loved one and when you regain eye contact, you realize that they've been staring at your decolletage throughout the entire story! It's truly deceitful. MEN! Who would ever want more than one...?

"Men often give love for sex. Women often give sex for love." -Unknown

But the reality of it is that male friends can oftentimes come in handy. Like if your invited to a wedding and for whatever reason, you don't have a date. Who better to ask than your dark and handsome friend? You won't look like a loser who was stuck at the kids table because she couldn't get a date and you'll have someone to dance with. Or if you're out someplace like a club or a bar, no one is going to uncomfortably hit on you if you're standing beside your strapping male friend. And even if there is someone brave enough to hit on you anyway, there's someone there to say, "Stop disrespecting the lady or I will rip your head off and play soccer with it."

Male friends can also come in handy for advice regarding the men who have REALLY stolen your heart. They can sniff out the bull pucky a lot easier than women can (probably because when they aren't with you, they're busy feeding it to their own girlfriends) and are usually able to easily tone down the crazy lady brain. In my experience, I am almost ALWAYS overreacting and as much as I love my girlfriends, three heads are not better than one. We feed off of each other's crazy. It's an epidemic. (And also, $4 Jameson's can get pretty expensive, turns out. So you usually end up more crazy, drunk and irritated than you were before you met up with your girlfriends.)

"Look, I want to tell you something because you're very dear to me and I hope you understand that it comes from the bottom of my damaged, damaged heart. You are the finest piece of ass I've ever had." -Roger Sterling to Joan Hollaway, Mad Men

From a psychology major straight to you, friends: Sex and love are separate. If you don't know this already, me and women think about sex differently. So a friends with benefits thing, I don't care who you are, is almost certainly destined to fail. It gets women all mixed up and makes them feel things that aren't real. And while it may start out as a sweet gig for the man, sooner or later he'll wind up with a Stage Five Clinger on his hands. These things don't play out well and it almost always destroys the friendship that once existed. There is such a thing as being too comfortable... and the end result is the boy/girl version of being "frenemies".

It's just that not all men are equipped with ulterior motives. (Although in my experience, the majority of them are...) But there are some decent guys out there who truly value friendship and want to keep it platonic. They may fantasize about doing borderline inappropriate things (which is only natural) but they care too much about the friendship to act on them. I've just always found these male/female friendships difficult to obtain because obviously, if you spend enough time with someone and confide things in them that some of most important people in your life don't even know... Well, eventually something will develop. Soon you start to realize how much this female friend, who was once like your kid sister, so closely resembles Eva Longoria. Not to mention the fact that she's the only girl you know who ACTUALLY LIKES paintball. She's obviously the only girl who will ever understand you! And before you think I'm attacking men, let me tell you something: Women are THE WORST at this. Because they have that wretched disease that I like to call "Lady Brain".

Moral of the Crazy: Try to think of platonic relationships as a profession in a sense that there's no fraternization outside of the workplace. (Maybe not the best analogy but give me a break. I tried!) Anyway, the point is that although it's not the same for everyone, men and women do not fair well as friends. But use your own judgement. Who knows? You might even marry the guy...

"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her." -Oscar Wilde