To be honest, I come from a long line of passionate mountain Italians and farm fed Germans. Both sides of my family work hard, play harder. Love hard, fight harder. We Europeans are a very proud and passionate people. And in order to protect myself, I offer the following disclaimer:
[Disclaimer: I love my family more than my life. They have given me love, olive skin, a Midwestern twang, and a natural musical gift. But these people can stay angry FOREVER. For real. But despite this, I love them. Please remember that I am the only one to have perfected Grandma's Italian Easter pie and also that I have no legal representation...]
It's just that given the amorous little brunette, sometimes redhead, that I am, it's difficult for me to truly comprehend "the Grudge". I mean, I suppose I grasp the general purpose but unless homicide is involved, I don't understand why a person would actually want to hold one against another person. I mean, the one person who I've deleted from my life threw a fork, like an actual dinner fork, at my head. Thank goodness he was a drummer and not a star baseball player.
But like my homeboy Confucius once said: To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
But honestly, friends, what is it? What determines the amount of severity in a particular situation that merits a grudge? And once the said grudge status has been established, how long are you supposed to go through life hating each other?
"Some wounds run too deep for the healing." -J.K. Rowling
One of my oldest friends used to tell me that the opposite of love is indifference, not hate. So that ridiculous, stubborn grudge you're holding isn't because you don't care. It's because you do. And life is far too short to be going through it being angry and suppressing your feelings. It also probably causes wrinkles and unless you're Hugh Hefner, you can't pull off that "still sexy at eighty" look. I don't care.
And as far as the romantic perspective? Call me crazy but intimacy changes people. When camaraderie brings forth something far more luxurious and sensual, there's a very obvious shift. Unless it's something irrevocable that can ultimately never be repaired, a grudge just seems like overkill.
Recently, a very candid girlfriend of mine alluded to the fact that I am on an incessant mission to keep people happy. She meant it as a compliment but I guess that until she said it, I never really thought about it that way. I guess it's just that life is difficult enough without people you care about being angry at you. If my life hasn't been directly affected by an individual's behavior, no matter how sinister (IE, death), why would I spend more than five minutes of my precious time being mad at them? I mean, I know people who haven't talked for actual YEARS over tiny, seriously insignificant things. Can you do the math and imagine how much they've almost certainly missed out on? (No, seriously. You do it. I practically failed math.)
Moral of the Crazy: No, I don't feel like a doormat. I feel like someone who is bigger than her conflicts. It costs nothing to rise above it. Grudges plaque people. I have seen it make children out of grown men. I don't want to meet the person who is so easily afflicted by temporary acrimony. No matter how angry you may be now, you may live to regret holding that grudge. Get an antidote for that plaque before it's too late.
"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." -Malachy McCourt
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