Who are these men who feed on others? What do they feel when they cut their names into somebody else's life? -Officer Dwight "Bucky" Bleichert (Josh Hartnett), The Black Dahlia



As I casually slide through my Facebook feed and scope out the variety of unwashed miscreants that I once walked the halls of Ridgewood with, I start to wonder how any of them ended up with such beautiful, caring girlfriends. This isn't a typical "neurotic Katie" rant (albeit, as we all know, those are some pretty great rants...). This is a real, general observation that I (and many others) have made about those insolent brutes and the women who love them. Come on, friends. You all know who I'm talking about. Some even grace the pages of my favorite star studded magazines, walking the streets of Hollywood as if they were real people. These men (and I'm going to use that term very loosely...) are the Chris Browns and Ike Turners of the world. They are the fame hungry Spencer Pratts and Scott Disicks in our midst. They are the only slightly less subordinate John Mayers and Jude Laws! (Even though the aforementioned Englishmen is so delicious that I could ALMOST overlook his eternal naught behavior. Yes?) But what of those real life surly tools? They do exist, walking among us and just waiting to snatch up their next unsuspecting victim.

"The advantage to beating a mute is he can't tell on you." -Thomas Harris, Hannibal Rising

To be quite honest, faithful readers, this is a very difficult subject for me to venture into. I have known far too many amazing women who have fallen prey to their awful male counterparts. This blog subject is of special interest to me and was approached as such: with the utmost of delicacy.

I have heard a lot of people (more specifically, men) say that women like to be treated terribly. And allegedly, this is why they will stay with men who treat them like garbage. That is preposterous. Absurd. To me, laughable, even! As if women are commonly seen scouring around the Blue Martini, looking very specifically for a man who will abuse them, lie to them, cheat on them, or call them names. When people utter that remark like it means something, I'm pretty sure it's because they need their brain reassembled... But I don't know. I mean, I'm not a neurologist. (In fact, I had to google how to even spell it... and that I was using the correct terminology because my original draft said "brain doctor".)

So unless it's some weird, warped brand of masochism, why do women continually stay with, or go back to, the men who continue to hurt them? There's obviously any number of reasons (security, children, fear of the dark, money, etc.) but I think a big one is isolation.

"Power without abuse loses its charm." -Paul Valery

I have always thought that these sort men, the terminally abusive ones, know the sort of atrocious character traits that they possess and as such, are forced to keep their ladies the only way they know how: by convincing them otherwise. In some more alarming cases, the insolent brutes go as far as to push the blame on the ladies, leading them to believe that they should be THANKFUL to be involved with such an upstanding gentleman. An upstanding gentleman who is not only perfect and coveted by other ladies but is also so readily willing to put up with all said ladies' faults. (I had many, as it turned out. I wasn't skinny or spontaneous enough. My job wasn't good enough and I so very clearly "brought out his temper". I could go on for days, friends.)

But the truth is that maybe on some perfect planet, these men know how dreadful and deplorable they are (although it's probably not so black and white) and so they brainwash their ladies into believing that THEY'RE the screwed up ones. And then they isolate them so that they never learn of the truth. It's a tragic, tragic way to live.

You know that daft saying about break-ups? It's something about "I'm glad we were together, despite how awful it was or how it ended, because it made me who I am today"...? I hate that expression. He made me doubt myself. This deranged manchild made my life a bottomless pit of affliction. I'm horrified that we were even on the planet at the same time, let alone together. And I will NEVER forgive him.

... what is it they say? "Hell hath no fury..."?

"Relationships with people- your mum, your nan, your dog... are what you get the most happiness in life from. Aside from shoes and bags." -Amy Winehouse

Now obviously, not ALL men (even the super brazen ones) are abusive infants. For insolence comes in many forms. And I also realize that it doesn't just apply to men. But sometimes I wonder if there isn't some crotchety faculty member who intercepts the off kilter kids in our schools and shows them the ropes to better become a relentlessly abhorrent individual. I can't help but be curious, what with so many of them running around...

To be honest (honest being the operative word in this sentence), I think for me, aside from the capacity to beat a female or child to a bloody pulp, lying is by far the most despicable behavior a man can possess. I mean, if you're an inherent liar (and believe me friends, I've known quite a few) and your life is completely fabricated, then who are you? How can I possibly know you, let alone trust you, if you lie about your relationship status, or your girlfriend's name or what kind of car you drive? It's just stupid. I would be wasting my time. And for what? A man who doesn't respect me enough to fill me in on the seemingly minute details of his life?!

It's disgusting. And I've endured more than enough of that putrescent behavior to last two lifetimes. I'm better than that. And so is Anne Hathaway. And don't even get me going on the Sam/Ronnie saga....

Another loathsome insolent trait more commonly found among males is that arrogant "I'm doing you a solid just by talking to you" attitude. I've found that some of them actually believe that they're doing the world a service just by breathing. I was once semi-seriously involved with a man so cavalier that it was actually one of the traits that initially attracted me to him. I guess he exuded a sort of... I'll call it confidence... that was contagious. He was into himself, so why shouldn't I be? But then it started to border on annoying. I would continually go out of my way for him and at first, I think he might have appreciated it. But somehow I turned into this pathetic, over complimentary doormat. And his pompous swagger started to get on my nerves.

I remember one conversation that we had. It went something like this:
Me: "I'm too nice to you. You don't deserve it."
Ex (who shall remain nameless for his own protection): "I know," his big eyes twinkled at me, "but you'll always stick around. That's how this works."

I recall staring at him and thinking to myself, Is this kid serious?? The sad part is that HE WAS. I wish that I was embellishing.

Moral of the Craziness: No one is perfect but if your man (or lady) is intolerably domineering, he's either A) not as good looking as he thinks (because my German mother says beauty is only skin deep) or B) probably too short for you. (Or in some very unfortunate cases, both.) And as such, you should probably neglect him immediately and let me buy you some triple distilled Irish whiskey. (Or whatever. Your drink of choice would work too.)

In all seriousness because insolent behavior is no joke: There are currently 42 Domestic Violence Centers in our area. Here are a few just to get you started:

1 800 500 1119
1 800 621 4202 (TTY)
FCADV.org
myflfamilies.com
casa-stpete.org
rcspinellas.org
Sunrise Domestic and Sex Violence Center: 352 521 3120
Salvation Army of West Pasco: 727 856 5797

"This is not love. It's a crime." -Salma Hayek