Most of the songs I sing have the blues feeling in it. They have that sorry feeling. And I don't know what I'm sorry about. I don't. -Etta James

I once had this friend who was in a very steady and serious relationship with her boyfriend. They were relatively good together, fulfilled each other's needs and the like, however, he did this one very odd thing. He would only seldomly say "I love you" to her, which I found to be sort of strange because it seems like one of those phrases you would say twenty times a day. "No," she shook her head at me like I was the idiot. "If you say something like that too many times, it'll lose its value. Or so he claims."

Oh, right. That makes sense. In places like Opposite World. (I wish someone had taken a picture of my face at the very moment she said that to me.)

The sad fact is though, this guy may have had a point. Not necessarily with "I love you" but things like, "No, it tastes great!", "No, you look so skinny!" and "I'm sorry. Truly, I am." If phrases like that fly out of your mouth the moment things get hairy, others might tend to question their value. I mean, if you habitually commit the same unsavory act and continually apologize for its occurrence, are you really sorry? I can't help but think that if the apology was really genuine, it wouldn't have happened in the first place. Much less, over and over again.

 

Being sorry is the highest act of selfishness, seeing value only after discarding it. -Douglas Horton

I know so many girls who are dating men guilty of this. Actually, to be more accurate, I know so many people (and not to be a man hater but it's typically members of the male population) who are guilty of this regardless of their relationship status. They mumble their list of unending excuses for the same atrocities over and over until we smirk, shake our heads and grumble something along the lines of, "You're lucky you're cute." (I know this to be true because it happens every time my handsome, lumberjack husband apologizes for eating all my Double Chocolate Milanos...)

This, rather unfortunately, is an ever prevalent epidemic. I'm sorry I cheated on you 47 times. I'm sorry I spent all your money on jello shooters and shitty vodka. I'm sorry about that totally unjustified speeding ticket. Had I known the cop was behind me, I obviously wouldn't have sped. I'm sorry I broke a chair over your adorable Mustang in a fit of irrational rage. I'm sorry I ate all those stupid Milanos.

Time and repetition have a way of altering people. It makes us more lenient with every blow and deceitful word, more susceptible to grant forgiveness when it's not really merited; the lines between good and bad invariably blurred.

So, tell me something: How many times can you play that "I'm sorry" card before it holds virtually no value? And then, what happens when it's meaningless? Do you just move on to the next unsuspecting broad and hope that she's dumber than the last one? Or at least more forgiving and tolerant of your ever apologetic nonsense?

One of my very, very dear, close friends is in just such a relationship. Her boyfriend will continually make little deceiving mistakes. Oddly, it seems to be normal behavior for him, something that she has almost come to expect within the relationship. And when she learns of said mistakes, it's all, "You have nothing to worry about," and "It's not what you think," with little snippets of "I'm sorry" thrown in here and there.

Do I believe him? No. I think he's a lying little weasel and he's playing her. Does she believe him? It's debatable. But he's a cute little weasel and she loves him. So she forgives him because naturally, she wants it to work out. And I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with that because after all, no one's perfect. But how do you determine whether or not they're actually sorry when they say it ALL THE TIME? Because obviously, if you're incessantly forgiving them, they could engage in all kinds of incriminating acts and you would be none the wiser. You would accept the apology and they'd eventually do it all over again. You see how this cyclic behavior can be dangerous...?

Sometimes I think that forgiveness should be earned rather than handed out like tequila shooters at Senor Frogs. And I know that probably makes me sound like a cold, bitter, stereotypical Italian but I'm okay with it. Listen, I've been called far worse.

 

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. -Henry Youngman

When I sit and think about the women that have been involved in these situations (myself included because let's be real: we've all been there.) time and time again, that little cliche rhyme plays in my head. Like a sarcastic little reminder that men are inherently stronger and obviously more cunning than women. You know how it goes, friends: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I really. Fucking hate. That saying.

Because while I can sit and lecture all day about how my girlfriends are love drunk, blinded my a handsome mug and getting taken advantage of by their stupid, idiot boyfriends (gasp!!), there is a romantic side to me. (Although it's not so commonly expressed in this blog, it's still there. Deep down in my bitter, black little heart...)

A romantic side that feels that people, yes, even the ones we love, make mistakes. And because you love them, you must forgive them. And I would hope, in the event of your mistakes, that they would grant you the same clemency. Because like my nerdy homeboy, Cyril Figgis once said, "Love is forgivey."

The point is, more often than not, those men aren't eating all the Milanos on purpose or out of spite. Maybe they just genuinely like them and don't realize they've eaten the entire package until their fingers rub up against that empty goddamn cupcake wrapper! So you could be the bigger person and just buy another package or you could be a spoiled child and refuse to forgive them. I tend to go back and forth, personally, depending on my blood sugar.

So the problem lies there in the confusion. How do you determine whether or not their mistakes were justified? How many chances do you allot them and how reasonable and far extended is your forgiveness policy? When have you reached your breaking point and what determines an unforgivably low blow? It just seems so complicated. So stressful. So many questions that don't have real, concrete answers. And I prefer those things that I can really put my hands on.

Moral of the Crazy: Look, I'm painfully aware that I have a problem with forgiving too easily. I'm by far one of the guiltiest when it comes to trusting too easily and forgiving too often. But people make honest (and sometimes less honest) mistakes and who are we to punish them or decide their impending fate? Who are we to ridicule them and heartlessly refuse to forgive them? When we're mistake makers too?

But at the same time, we have to be firm sometimes so that people don't walk all over us. Use us up like an expensive bottle of Burberry London. Take advantage of us and break our very valuable tickers. Pining for wholesome behavior from those who exploit us is a very disappointing way to go through life. Handing out forgiveness like beet rations in Soviet Russia just to get slapped in the face...

So forgive each other and don't be taken advantage of. Because no one is perfect. Except maybe Wolverine and I mean, the man is made of adamantium and looks ridiculously good looking smoking a cigar. So he doesn't even count.

It's also important to always replace the Double Chocolate Milanos... even if they're just going to get devoured again. And again. After all, they're just cookies, mate.

Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise. -H.G. Wells

The Crazy version of Dear Abby:

Need advice on something vital or love induced? Have some gossip that you desperately need to share? Want to swap idiot boyfriend stories?

Share your stories with me at: katemeyer@verizon.net with the subject line Crazy Face and be anonymously featured in my blog!